Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A Quick Course on Condoms for Women

Why

Unless you’ve been under a rock for the last ten years, you know that condoms are now DE RIGEUR and have had quite a resurgence in popularity. Not including water-filled window launchings, a favorite pastime of prepubescent and fraternity boys, condoms serve two purposes. They keep you from getting sick and they keep you form getting pregnant. If your situation is such that you don’t needn’t think about such things, you are fortunate indeed. If you plan to stick to some of the safe sex alternatives we offer, no problem. But for those who will be confronting the reality of rubber, we offer these tips. Even if a guy is totally responsible, dealing with condoms poses several possible situations you may have to handle and overcome.

Who

Every situation is different, and you know best about which guys in your bed do or don’t require this equipment. Some men wonder if they’ll be perceived as overly cocky if they just happen to have a condom around. Don’t even give it a second thought. The rule of thumb is that if you’re at his place, he should have condoms handy, and vise versa when you’re on your own turf. Consider it being a well-prepared host or hostess. But since we all know that men can be lousy hosts, you have to be ready for action wherever you may be.

If the situation arises at your place and you don’t hear the rustle of foil, just reach for your bedside condom container. A word of advise here: Even if you purchased a case of condoms in preparation for entertaining the new first-year law class, it’s probably wise to keep only a reasonable number, say two to four, in the container by your bed. Some men don’t want to think that you’re entertaining the troops, so it’s best to appear prepared but not professional.

And, as a matter of fact, it’s a good idea to separate each condom from the perforated strip beforehand, like stamps, so your partner doesn’t feel like he’s taking a number at the bakery on a Sunday morning.

If you end up at his place, a little advance work is necessary. On a first-time visit, he will probably show you around. This is a good time to scope things out. You can hang up your coat, but hold on your handbag. Almost immediately he’ll turn on the stereo and ask you if you want beverages. This would be a good time to ask for a glass of ice water. You can pretty much bet that the action will take place wherever two people can be horizontal and still hear the music. Plop down your handbag somewhere around this area. In the event that he grabs you as soon as he gets to the bedroom part of the tour, your handbag is still with you, and you can fling it somewhere near the bed in a fit of passion. It doesn’t matter if this is your first visit or not. If he doesn’t make the move to get a condom, just do it! You’ll know when the moment is right.

When

It may be that wearing a condom doesn’t feel as great as skin to skin, but in these day and age, riding bareback is definitely not an alternative. Suppose you encounter a guy who whines because he doesn’t want to wear one. You may find it hard to believe that some guys think they’re being totally original when they say, “It’s like taking a shower with a raincoat on.” Besides being really stupid, this negative analogy equates a condom with an article of clothing one wears in nasty weather. You must redirect this fashion thinking immediately, and concentrate on other articles of clothing that bring to mind positive, fun and pleasurable associations. The best argument we’ve heard goes something along these lines: “You wouldn’t go running without your sneakers, skating without skates or diving without a wet suit, would you?” You need to wear the right gear for the activity. And that’s exactly what this is about – getting all dressed up appropriately to go to the party. Even your macho, hot-to-trot Latin lover will understand that he has to wear a party sombrero if he wants to go to the fiesta.

What

While any port will do in a storm, an informal poll says the condom of choice is a brand called Kimono. The Micro Thin Plus type is especially nice for him. Kimono condoms come in all sorts of varieties to suit any preference. Lifestyles brand is also recommended. And, for your purpose, these are a little more ladylike that Trojans, Ramses or some other butch-sounding brand names.

Kimono also makes a product called Aqua-Lube, which is perfect for inside and out expect that is doesn’t come in a pump bottle yet. Never use Vaseline, because it cam break down the latex in the condom. Never use products with fragrance, because they can irritating to both of you. Avoid condoms with extra spermicide, such as nonoxynol 9, if either of you begins to burn or itch. Lambskin condoms are old hat and don’t protect against disease. We don’t recommend them. But … one woman we know was truly creative when his receptive partner said that he had an allergy to latex. She sprang into action and put a lambskin condom over a latex one. This is also known as “double bagger,” but you have to be careful that they don’t rub together and break, or that you’re not so lubed up that they can slide right off.

A while back, there was a big marketing push for condoms with bumps and ridges. One ad in men’s magazines used to promise “a thousand tiny fingers urging a woman to let go.” If speed bumps make you tingle, then go ahead, knock yourself out.

Ditto on the “artistic” varieties, unless these fall in line with a particularly festive theme for the evening. Of course, there are always some guys who like to feel like GI Joe when they wear camouflage condoms that boast “don’t let them see you coming.” Maybe you’ve known a couple of bozos who like the carnival colors? Or the scout troop leader who went wild for the glow-in-the-dark kind? These are novelties and should be treated as such. More important, these things are often of inferior quality. Unless you’re partying with Homer Simpson, forget the costumes and cutesy stuff.

If you are in a tryst where your partner presents you with a flavored condom, that’s your cue for some super-safe oral action. Remember, he’s not the one who’s going to be tasting it. If you’re going to make this part of your regular repertoire, try a brand called Kiss of Mint, which doubles as a light breath freshener.

Where

If you are raveling, and that could mean being on a date across town, keep a couple of condoms handy and accessible in the same way that you would a wallet, passport or camera. You never know when a great photo opportunity will arise. Maybe you’ll end up at his place after a date. If he never has anything but beer in the fridge, don’t expect him to have condoms either. It’s a lot more convenient to make one magically appear from your handbag than have him frantically search a backpack from his last camping trip.

How

Many guys have fantasies about their partner applying the condom with her mouth. As this requires quite experience, practice on an inanimate object before you tackle the real thing. And remember, use your lips and not your teeth.

Once that is out of the way, the next insider’s tip is crucial because this little bit of knowledge will separate you from the rest of the pack. Although we recommend pre lubricated condoms for intercourse, you may also want to put a little dab of your water-based lubricant INSIDE the top of the condom right before you unroll it. This will make the experience more pleasurable for him. Use just a drop; the idea is to get a small glob on the head of his penis without rubbing it all around the shaft, because you don’t want the condom to slip off. You’ll never have a problem getting it on him again, and he’ll wonder why he didn’t think of it before.

So what’s the proper application etiquette? Opening the package, but not removing the condom, before you actually start fooling around will help things run smoothly when it’s time to stick in. Don’t do it more than a few minutes in advance or the condom will dry out. If he wants to put it on himself, just let him. If you want to make him feel that his erection is the most magnificent thing you’ve even seen, kneel down between his legs while you adopt an attitude of solemn worship – sort like saluting the flag. Since condoms are rolled up, it will take a little practice to figure out which side is the top. Put a dab of lubricant inside the unrolled condom or on the head of his twitching member. Place the condom on the penis head and pinch the rubber tip between your thumb and forefinger to allow some space for what’s to come. Then unfurl the rest, climb on board and go to town. He will have wonderful thoughts of you rallying ‘round his mast.

You shouldn’t even have to think about disposal, because he should know well enough to flush the evidence down the toilet. If he leaves it lying on the floor, or stuck to your wastebasket, think about dumping him. Our not-so-scientific studies would indicate that he’s a pig.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Q & A: How do you get a man to perform oral sex?

Q. Here's what I really need advice for. I've been dating one woman for about five months now, and she really means a lot to me. Our sex life is great, and I normally feel confident when we're together in this manner, all except for one thing. She often gives me oral sex, but as of now I've only gone down on her twice. This is the first relationship in which I've done this, and so I'm very inexperienced and unconfident. I just don't know quite what to do down there, and I don't think it's near as exciting for her as it is for me when she goes down on me. Could you possibly give me some "technical advice?" I really want to please her with this, and I just feel like don't have the knowledge or skills yet. Thanks for your time.
Anxious

Dear Anxious,
Take some time and check her out down there. Be familiar with her genitals and where and what all her parts are. Most importantly, know where her clitoris is. You need to suck and lick on the clitoris (of course, fingering the vagina adds extra stimulation...). And don't be shy!! Ask her what feels good and what doesn't. You'll never master cunnilingus on your girlfriend unless you get her feedback.

Q. How do you get a man to perform oral sex? I really love my boyfriend and enjoy having sex with him. Unfortunately, he's not as experienced as I am and, I think, he may be a little uncomfortable with anything other than the man on top/woman on top positions. He enjoys it when I give him blowjobs (as do I) but he has yet to return the favor. I think he feels a little lost "down there". But I don't mind "playing doctor" and letting him take his time learning his way around. So how do I turn him on to the idea of "eating out" and assure him that what he doesn't know he can learn? Oh, and it's okay to post this for other readers to answer as well.
Signed,
Kiss Me Down There

Dear Kiss Me,
Some men believe or are afraid that a woman will be "dirty" down there. To avoid this, bathe with your boyfriend and have him wash your genitals. Afterwards, lie down and ask him to just look at your genitals. Prior to this, be certain you know your genitals well, so you may answer any questions he may have. You're probably right, though, about him feeling uncomfortable about what he may not know. Hopefully, he'll be more willing to perform cunnilingus on you once he "knows his way around".

Q. My girlfriend doesn't want to perform oral sex on me because of the following problem that I have: My penis leaks white fluid which she says is not normal, because it leaks a great amount. When I even touch her body in a movie theatre, my underwear get wet and it is just uncomfortable with me! What is my problem? Sometimes even when we talk about sex on the phone my penis leaks. Sometimes, when I think about having sex, the white fluid starts going out of the head of my penis. And even, after a shower, I feel sometimes when I think of it, it leaks a bit. Why is my penis leaking like that? Can you please help me? And I am really feeling bad about not getting oral sex. She just doesn't like to do it on me because it leaks! HELP ME PLEASE!
Leaky

Dear Leaky,
Sounds like you've just got a large amount of pre-ejaculatory fluid. Use a non-lubricated condom for oral sex. If you're still really bothered by this, talk to your doctor or a urologist.

Q. I've been dating a girl for about five months now and we have a great relationship. We get along well, and rarely have any serious disagreements. We sleep in the same bed every night and have a physical relationship and she has told me that she plans to see a doctor soon so that she can get on the pill and we'll start having sex, but in the meantime I'm not pressuring her into it and I'm making sure she knows it's her decision and that I'm with her for other reasons. We're both virgins and we're fine with staying that way until everything's right. She's given me oral sex and she said she liked it, and I've brought her to orgasm many times, but here's the problem - she won't let me perform oral sex on her. I've only been in one serious relationship before and that girl let me perform oral sex on her and we both loved it. I'd love to try it on my current girlfriend because I think it's something I'm good at and I think she'll enjoy it. I've dropped some hints that I'd like to try it, but she hasn't let me yet. By all indications from our conversations, she hasn't ever had it, so it's not like she has had bad experiences with it. Since she has given me oral sex, I can't imagine it's because she thinks it's disgusting. I'm confused about why she won't let me, and I really want to try it, how do you think I should approach the situation?
Signed,
Willing to please my woman...

Dear Willing,
Your girlfriend may be self-conscious about how clean she is down there. Start out with a bath or shower together. Help her wash her genitals. Afterward, have her lie on the bed while you open her labia (lips) and explore her. Tell her it looks very clean and smells good (compliments will help her feel better about it). While you're doing this, touch her in a way that you know feels good for her. When you sense that she is relaxed, try licking her clitoris. If she doesn't stop you, start sucking on her clitoris. By this time, you shouldn't have a problem. If this whole "routine" doesn't work the first time, keep trying it, over and over. She'll "come" around soon enough..

Q. I'm a 17 year old male, dating a 16 year old female... A couple of weeks ago, we were home alone at her house, and I went down on her. She said she loved it, and more or less craves it now... However, she still hasn't gone down on me. I'm dying for her to, but she just hasn't. How can I get her to do this?
chris

Dear Chris,
Have you asked her yet? If you have, and she still hasn't done it, she may be afraid of doing it "wrong". Let her know that whatever she does will feel great. If she's worried about catching a disease, or she just plain thinks it's gross, she can use a non-lubricated condom. You could also try the 69 position. She may feel more comfortable with both of you performing oral sex at the same time.

Q. I have tried going down on my girlfriend, but have not made her have an orgasm I would like some advice without all the technical terms, please.
r.l.

Dear r.l.,
Suck on her clitoris and finger her vagina at the same time. And don't stare at her while you're doing it. If you don't know what these terms are, you need to look them up and find out where they are located on your girlfriend.

Q. My wife enjoys oral sex but will not let me perform it on her. One of her girlfriends keeps hinting that she would like me to eat her pussy. What should I do?

If you can't get your wife to let you perform cunnilingus on her, don't do it. To anyone.

Q. How do i give my girlfriend a perfect session of oral sex?

You communicate with her and ask her if she likes what you are doing. You won't do it perfectly the first few times... you see, you have to evolve to that.

Q & A: Orgasm: too often or hardly ever?

Q. I have never had an orgasm. Not with my boyfriend, despite the fact that he has tried, oh boy has he tried! Masturbation does NOTHING, I mean nothing, nada, zero, ZIP. No reaction whatsoever. It's just not exciting for me. We have gotten really close before, but what can we do? We've tried plenty of positions, a myriad of masturbation, and a lot of cunnilingus. Now, I'm not complaining, making love with him is great, but I would just like to have one, sometime, you know eventually just so I know what it feels like. Believe me, he wants me to climax just as badly as I want to... And no, we're not focusing solely on that aspect (because as we all know if you think about something and wait for it, it will never happen). This is all of course further complicated by the fact that I'm only with him about twice a month (or less) for no longer than two days at a time except for longer vacations which are few... I might add, I'm somewhat sore when I go back to school.
-school girl

Dear "school girl",
Your sex life sounds great. Many women never achieve orgasms in their lives. But that doesn't mean you won't have fun trying! Since you have really looked into this and seem to have tried everything under the sun, I can only think of one more thing that may be involved here. That is power. Having an orgasm in front of someone is making yourself vulnerable to them. It is giving up power. I don't know if you agree with this idea, but I suggest you really think about it. In the meantime, enjoy your relationship, because it is going well. Keep an "if it ain't broke don't fix it" kind of attitude. Hi! I have been going out with my girlfriend for about a year and we have had sexual intercourse many times. The problem is that I have never seen that she has had an orgasm. I have read hundreds of books on how to give a woman oral sex and how to make love, and I'm pretty sure that I have perfected it! Sometimes I even give her oral sex for about 10 minutes, I kiss her, caress her, etc. Then she gets on top of me and we begin the nitty gritty. The problem is that I get excited too quickly and come in about one minute. Is that normal? The problem is that I love her very much and I want to please her. I talked to her, asking her if she has ever reached a climax with me and she said she is not sure, I'm pretty sure she meant no. I want to please her and last a long time, can you please help me out? I want to make her have an orgasm all the time. This is because I get satisfied, but she is always left with wating more. I guess she expects me to be a superman. I have even asked her how she likes me to make oral sex to her, etc. Please help me! Thank you. I was going to see a therapist. I think the problem is that I don't last. She excites me so much that I can't help it. I know it sounds weird, but I'm 19 and she is 15. Maybe there is a technique that I could try. A technique that I could make love, then stop, then continue, etc. Thanks alot. Well, at least one-third of all women do not have orgasms. And even though a woman does not have an orgasm, it doesn't mean she's not enjoying the sexual encounter. To keep yourself from coming too soon, squeeze the underside of your penis head for about ten seconds. Once the urge to come is gone, resume. Keep repeating this as many times as you need.

Q. My problem is that I take too long to ejaculate. I'm 19, and I've been with three girls, all three have gotten a bit frustrated because I take a good hour, hour and a half to ejaculate. I don't know how to speed things up. When I masturbate, I take about 20-30 minutes, but when I'm with a girl, I just can't let myself go. The girls I've been with have enjoyed being with me, and they feel satisfied, but they think that it's their fault that I can't ejaculate quicker. What should I do?
-MAH

Dear MAH,
First of all, don't place so much importance on ejaculating. Enjoy the experience. I think this focus on ejaculating is actually making things worse for you. It sounds like you are not comfortable ejaculating with another person. This goes back to the aspect of losing power, which I mentioned in an above letter. You might want to try letting your girlfriend masturbate you. This may help you to become less inhibited, and it may work better. Above all, pressuring yourself is going to keep ejaculation from happening.

Q. I am a forty year-old woman who has almost never had an orgasm while making love. Can you offer any help on this? Also, I seem to dry up way too early on and wondered if you had any suggestions on this also. I would greatly appreciate any advice you could offer.
Thank you,
Allison

Dear Allison,
Try masturbating and intercourse simultaneously. Don't be hard on yourself when you don't acheive orgasm. That will decrease your chances for orgasm in future lovemaking. Also, use K-Y jelly to alleviate your dryness. This is available at most drug stores and supermarkets.

Q. I need help with something very serious. My boyfriend and I have been going together for eight months now, and we decided to start making love in late April. Making love is great, even though it hurt for the first time, but I haven't been able to orgasm at all when we have intercourse. My boyfriend usually comes very quickly the first time, then it gets longer and longer every time after that... but I never come. The only way I come is by touching myself. I would really like to come during intercourse because when my boyfriend does, and I don't, I get all upset and discouraged at myself. What do you recommend?
Sincerely,
:(

Dear :(,
Have intercourse in a position in which you or your boyfriend can masturbate you while having intercourse. And try not to worry about reaching orgasm during sex. It will only make things worse. Dear

Q. I have trouble reaching orgasm. I'm a guy. I endure too long and start getting tired and I just give up. No fun with sex anymore and my wife is getting a divorce because of that.

It's too bad your wife is divorcing you over this. Most women would be happy with your "ability". However, it could be a drag if you were trying to conceive. You need to make your penis more sensitive. Try using a cock ring or looking at pornography before sex. If you've recently become circumsized, that could also be the problem. If my advice doesn't help you out, see a doctor about your problem.

Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for quite a while and have had sex many times. Lately I haven't had an orgasm. Is it because of me, him, or what?

This seems to be a common problem for couples who have been together for a while. My suggestion is to spice up your sex life. Throw out your inhibitions and try new things. New positions, body paints, lingerie, sensual massages, ... you get the picture. Some people may also come in only one position. If this is true for you, try more fourplay. This can be rubbing, kissing, oral sex, or even having sex in different positions, then returning to your normal "orgasmic" position. Just remember that most people do not reach orgasm every time they have sex.... if they do, they're pretty lucky.

Q. I can't get my girlfriend off!! We've been together for five years and all she'll tell me to do is read a book! She's been with other people but I have not. We rarely have sex mainly because I feel bad about not getting her off. Please help. I love her.

Q. I am just another guy out here with a problem. My girlfriend has NEVER had an orgasm. I don't mean not by me, I mean NEVER. She says she enjoys it anyway and wants to have them but she never does. We are both very attracted to each other alot but I can't seem to ever get there for her. What are some ways to get her to have them? Oral sex does not work (at least not the way I do it), HELP. Basically, I am looking for advice on how to arouse her more, and methods to bring her to have an orgasm soon!

Hey guys,
Try looking at pornograpy or erotica together before having sex. Some lingerie may work, too. During oral sex, use a dildo or a couple of fingers in her vagina while you suck on her clitoris. Or, have her stimulate her clitoris while having intercourse with her on her back and you on your side.

Q. My new boyfriend and I have no problem getting turned on. I can practically orgasm from just kissing him, and he in turn is thoroughly aroused by the time he enters me. However, as time has gone on, it is taking him longer and longer to climax, and last night he didn't at all. I realize that it isn't that unusual a situation, but I have not encountered it with such regularity before. Anyway, when he failed to climax, I removed the condom and began to perform oral sex on him. The condom was treated with a spermicide, and the taste was bitter to say the least, but I also noticed that after I stopped (gave up, actually), my mouth and throat were numb! It occured to me that since my mouth and throat were so desensitized, then perhaps the spermicide in the condom is having the same affect on my boyfriend. Have you ever heard of this before? I have heard of allergic reactions to spermicides, not numbness. You can bet the next condom we use will be "plain".
It's great that you and your boyfriend have such great chemistry. It's also great that you are having safe sex. When your boyfriend does not climax, it's not your fault. He just didn't climax. Stop concentrating on orgasms, and enjoy the lovemaking. Yes, it is possible that the spermicide numbed his feeling. Another possible factor which may be causing this situation may be stress. Both you and your boyfriend must remember that orgasm is not all there is to lovemaking. You've got such a great relationship- count your blessings and enjoy it while the getting is good.

Q. I have a huge problem. I've been going out with a girl for about ten months now and we started having sex after two weeks. I don't mean to sound vain or anything, but I have a very powerful sex drive and I take forever to come. My girlfriend gets about ten orgasms and I'm still going for my first ejaculation. Please help me, my girlfriend is suffering.
from somebody

Dear somebody,
Stop making your girlfriend suffer. Pull out before she gets raw. If you can't come through intercourse, try oral sex or have your girlfriend masturbate you. Be thankful you can stay erect that long. Many men have problems getting and/or staying erect, and even experience premature ejaculation. Number one, you don't have to come, and number two, if you feel you have to, there's more than one way to do it.