Friday, November 28, 2008

Position 69s: Whipping, Hummers and Tinglers

However, there’s an awful lot of acrobatics involved I this style of 69, and they probably don’t do it as much as the porno mags would have you believe. For one thing, if the man is above you with a hard-on, it’s pretty difficult to get it into your mouth at the correct angle. And if you’re on top, he has to be short enough, and you have to be tall enough, to make all the parts fir together. Besides, you’ll probably get pretty tired of bobbing your snatch up and down so he doesn’t suffocate.

Let’s suppose the heights are right and you’re on top. Slide your buckwheat roll under his neck to support his head and bring it where you want it. You might try sitting on his chest for a bit, knees bent along his sides, while leaning forward to give him a BJ. Suggest that he massages your back and buttocks, since he’ll be looking at them anyway. He’ll probably be creative enough to figure out what else he can do to you with his hands. Now, you will be approaching his erect manhood from the opposite side. This angle can be good or bad, depending on his equipment, and where he likes to be licked most. If there is a slight curve in his penis, then you might be able to allow a bit more of it to enter your mouth which is good. You will still want to keep one hand at the base of his penis to keep it standing at attention, and you will also be able to add the ring and stroke techniques as desired. This position is generally good because it allows for deeper penetration, a high degree of control on your part and is pretty comfortable for you. Besides him needing a long and nimble tongue, the disadvantage is that he can’t see the action, and we all know how much he loves to see his magic wand stand tall and proud. Forget this position if he is really tall or has a pipsqueak dick.

Upstanding Citizen

There are two positions that involve your partner standing up. The first is very basic. We’ve all seen movies where the guy’s pants are wrapped around his ankles while he gets head from her. This type of oral action usually occurs before you even hit the bed, and can be very exciting in the heat of the moment. It’s even better when you use one hand on his balls or nipples. We recommend doing it just long enough to keep things hot, then climb into bed, or you may not even get your bra off before he lets his load loose.

The second standing position is one you might try in the middle of long, sensual foreplay. Coaching him into position may be a bit difficult, since he probably won’t have any idea where you’re going with this. If he’s already standing, then just keep stroking his penis while you get into position on the bed. The basics are: The man stands at the side of the bed, while you lay on your back across the bed, your head hanging just a bit over the side. Needless to say, this position won’t work if you’re still sleeping on your college futon. The bed has to be high enough for your mouth to be at the same height as his strait and narrow.

The big advantage to this is that the bend in your neck will allow for maximum entry into your mouth and even your throat. Keep in mind, however, that he will be thrusting his Johnson into your mouth, and you will have far less control that you do in other positions. Try placing your hands on his thighs to regulate his movements. If he’s good, he’ll lean forward and massage your outstretched – i.e., firm-looking – body. He may also begin some oral action on you. But keep in mind that your head is upside down and you probably shouldn’t stay that way too long, or you may end up passing out, and nothing ruins a perfect evening quicker that that.

Putting on a Good Face

Suppose your kissing and he’s on top, just wriggle down under him until you reach his shaft. Much as he might during intercourse, he’ll know to hold himself up with his arms while he inserts his penis into your mouth. He’ll probably like this a lot since it comes close to intercourse, he can see the action, and there’s really not a lot he can do on you while you’re down there. He’ll also see the rewards of doing regular push-ups at the gym. He’ll probably start thrusting in and out, which means your head can stay in once place. But if he’s too vigorous, or on the smaller scale of things, you need to control his movements with your hands and head. This position can be a little rough on the neck since you have to bob your head up and down to maintain a grip on his penis. Try slipping your buckwheat pillow under your neck and it should be smooth sailing from here.


There are a few little extras worth mentioning here that will ensure that your performance goes from Oscar-nominated to award winner. They can be incorporated into the BJ at any point, and the added variation will be fun for you to try and great for him to feel.

Dick Whipping

Don’t worry; we’re not talking leather crops here. Perhaps a better term might be dick slapping, although that sounds pretty intimidating, too. The movement is simply this: As you slide his shaft out of your mouth, flick his penis against your cheek for a couple of gentle, and we mean gentle, slaps. Try it a little bit harder if he seems to enjoy it. The point of this is not that it’s “rough sex” or anything, it’s simply another sensation that will feel good and round out your best BJ technique. It also gives you a chance to breathe and recoup for your next round of oral action.


A hummer is another light sensation that he will enjoy. A hummer is really just a moan or hum during the blowjob, which will create a slight vibration in your throat and, in turn, on his penis. We’re not saying that you need to belt out four bars of “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” during sex, just a low hum or moan in your throat will do nicely. Try changing the pitch of your hum to vary the sensation.


A tingler requires a little advanced work, because you’ll need a supply of cinnamon or mint mouthwash nearby. Put a small amount in your mouth; remember that you don’t want to end up swallowing it. As you go back down on him, release the mouthwash slowly so that it drips down his shaft. The tingle sensation will drive him wild, and it has the added bonus of preventing “dick breath” (see below) when you move back to kiss him on the lips.

Your handy glass of water with ice will add yet another super sensation. During one of your delicate sips amidst the oral action, take an ice cube in your mouth. When you go back down on him, the combination of cold ice and the warmth of your mouth will drive him into ecstasy. As the ice melts, it will also keep him well lubed for extended oral activity. If you’re feeling really adventurous, try taking the cube out of your mouth and sliding it up and down his manhood. The warmth of your mouth after that will feel like a cashmere blanked to him, so this might also be a good time to mention how much you’d like a Chanel cashmere twin set.


Perhaps your biggest concern about the world’s best blowjob is gagging. Well, there are times when smaller can be infinitely more manageable. There is no surefire way we know of to completely prevent gagging every time. A lot of it has to do with your relaxation level, and how comfortable you feel. A lot has to do with the control of your breathing. The tips in this book are designed to make you feel confident and in control of matters what you’re doing, or with whom you are doing it. Relax your muscles. Your first reaction when a hot rod is heading towards the back of your throat is to tense up. Remember that Mr. Stiffy is your friend and that he will only feel as comfortable as you do. Also, the less your neck and head are bent, the more room you will have to fit his penis inside your mouth. The best way to prevent gagging is to coordinate your breathing with the in-and-out movements. Take a deep breath in while you can, then release it through your nose as you go back down on your partner.

A note on Swallowing

Without getting into a whole big discussion on the power politics of swallowing, we’re here to tell you that you should NEVER do anything you don’t want to. If you choose to swallow, that is your decision. If you choose not to, then you certainly have nothing to apologize for. Especially since you will have just given him the most spectacular, mind-blowing, spine-tingling blowjobs he’s ever had.

Dick Breath

Some woman are concerned about “dick breath” when they kiss their partner after going down on him. This is another of those preconceptions that you should really let go of. Assuming you’re both tidy and have showered within a reasonable amount of time, you shouldn’t have too much to worry about. If you’re absolutely nuts about it, try taking a sip of water or wine before kissing him. And if he thinks it’s gross, just remember that it was his dick, after all.

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