Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Using Sex Toys on Men: Rings, Sleeves, Pumps, Extenders

Traditionally, the role of the man in the bedroom has been emphasized on pleasing the woman. But, in this day and age, where equality is at the brink of everything that governs, it’s time for us to show our men the same teasing, stimulation, sensations, and erotic pleasures that we’ve enjoyed for centuries.

The Male Erogenous “Spots”

Unfair as it may seem, guys actually have 4 linked erogenous “spots”. They are known as the P spot, F spot and R spot and the prostate gland. The P spot stands for the perineum which is the strip of skin (about one inch long) between the anus and the scrotum. This area is full of nerve endings that can often bring on orgasm when stroked in the heat of passion. The F spot is composed of the loose skin just where the head and the shaft of the penis connect. Gentle stroking of this area at any time is bound to elicit a wonderful response. (Hint: it can be a great way to wake up your man!) The last “spot”, the R spot, is the line that can be seen running up the underside of the penis. Again, this area is full of nerve endings and is bound to make things jump to life when stroked, licked, or tickled.

Besides the “3 spots” on your guy, there are many other highly sensitive erogenous zones. Of particular mention is the prostate gland. It is the little gland that wraps about the urethra at the base of the bladder in the male body. It’s responsible for producing the male hormone testosterone and for making the thick fluid that makes up “pre-cum” and the fluid of ejaculate. Gentle stimulation of the prostate can be incredibly sensual for men.

Other erogenous (sexually sensitive areas) include the inner thighs, which are a great place for soft stroking fingers, curious tongues and warm kisses. The nipples, just like yours and mine, are fun to play with and incredibly stimulating to most men. Try different types of stimulation to see what he likes best; nibbling, soft tickling, pinching, twisting, licking, or a mix of it all. The last erogenous zone that I find most men love is their ass. I have yet to meet a guy who doesn’t like to have his ass grabbed, caressed, stroked, etc. (However, it’s always a good idea to keep communication open around the back end and not to give any anal play unless he is comfortable with it.) Just because those are the major erogenous zones, don’t be afraid to explore, find ticklish areas, stroke his whole body, caress him with kisses, he’ll love every spot you find on him.

Beating Toy Taboos

If your guy seems a little shy when it comes to new things in the bedroom, a great way to bring up the idea of sex toys is to casually bring up the issue in a non sexual environment. This way, it’s conversational and non threatening. It is easy to find articles in all types of magazines that discuss the use of sex toys between couples and may help him to see that this is not a unusual act, but a well accepted one that in no way threatens his masculinity, nor criticizes any of your past experiences together. Sex toys are now widely excepted and available; the world is starting to realize that sex toys offer a unique way to explore our body as well as our partners and can add a great twist to a regular sex routine.

Another tantalizing way to get him involved is to let him watch you use your toys. Many men love to watch women masturbate, especially when he knows he can join in. Touch yourself; bring out your favorite toy. Let him use your toy on you; tell him where you like it, what you like, what you want, how it makes you fell. Then, if he seems open to the idea, ask him if you can give him a turn. If he says yes, great, if not, don’t give up sometimes these things take a little while to get used to. Now it’s finally time to enter the world of boys’ toys.

The Best Toy of All

We’ll start by looking at using our own toys first as this is the way the majority of men are introduced to sex toys; through girlfriends, lovers, or significant others wanting to share the fun. The great thing about starting this way is that it is a toy that you are comfortable and familiar with. He may have already seen it before, or be impressed if he didn’t know about it. The number one toy owned by women is a vibrator; dildo shaped, mini for clitoral stimulation, or the egg. Therefore, let’s focus on how we can please our guys with these fun little (or big as it may be!) gadgets.

The typical vibrator may be a little intimidating to a guy with its length and width. However, they can be great massage tools to start with. Start off with areas that won’t be threatening, tease his nipples, his thighs, and his penis. For many men, a fear of homosexuality may be aroused with anal discussion during sex. If this is a potential in your relationship but it is an area you would like to explore, wait until your man is more comfortable with the concept of sex toys for his pleasure first. The clitoral stimulator (or mini vibrator) can be used in all the same ways as the regular sized vibrator. However, because of its small size, it can be used in several other more convenient situations. If you are into giving oral, try using the mini on his perineum, at the base of his scrotum, or along his shaft while you lick and suck him. You can also take the bottom and lick or suck his testicles while teasing his shaft and the head of his penis with the mini. Mix things up and see what he likes. Finally, the egg, which is a very small egg shaped vibrator (usually with wire coming out of it attaching to a battery pack) is a great way to start, it’s small and unobtrusive. Men seem to enjoy this toy best when held at the base of the penis, between the testicles or on the perineum during foreplay, oral sex and intercourse.

The sometimes taboo area of male stimulation is the prostate. Your guy may or may not be into this. If he’s not sure, sometimes slow progress is a great way to go. Start by just doing a lot of ass play. Then the next time you two are together try some anus stimulation without any probing. After that he may be interested in a small amount of finger insertion. Just take things slow and he’ll soon let you know whether it is an area of pleasure or not.

Here we’ll look at a comfortable technique for giving him extra stimulation if he’s interested. From either in front or behind of him, stimulate his anus to help the muscles relax. Just as with anal sex (if you have ventured into that domain) it is important that the anus be relaxed and only gentle pressure be used to avoid both physical and psychological injury. Make sure you apply plenty of lube before very slowly and gently inserting your index finger up to the second knuckle. Curve your finger slightly towards his penis from inside. This should allow you to touch his prostate. For continued stimulation use a “come here” type motion against his prostate, tap it lightly, or slide your finger or a toy in and out of the rectum, achieving the same type of stimulation. For your own protection or comfort finger cots or disposable gloves can also be used, again with lots of lubrication. Be careful not to use a lubricant that may break down the materials of the glove or the finger cot.

If these tricks do the job to get him interested in sex toys, or if you would like to start with something a little more adventurous, take a look at the next five exciting categories of toys that can pleasure. The five different categories of toys to choose from include pumps, masturbation sleeves, erection rings, ticklers, and extenders. There are endless possibilities from these toys girls! Let’s find out how we can use these toys on our boys…

Penis Pumps

Penis pumps are a long standing joke in the movie world. However, they can be a lot of fun. A penis pump won’t permanently enlarge his penis, and it won’t make it thicker or stronger. However, it will stimulate him and pull the blood into the penis making him incredibly aroused and increasing both the size of his erection and the length of time he maintains it. It’s easiest to apply the pump if he is slightly hard. Some lip and tongue action is always a great idea. Then hold his penis in your hand and slowly slide the penis pump down over his erection. Now, depending on the type of pump it has you can either start pumping by hand, or hook it up to the pump source. Start off low and slow. A slow pumping action, drawing the blood into his penis will start to build a harder longer orgasm for your man! It does take a little practice to get coordinated, but once you have the pumping action down pat, don’t neglect the other erogenous zones.

While you are pumping with one hand you can stroke his inner thighs, run your finger tips over his hips and ass, tease his nipples, whatever turns him on, because this is all about pleasing him for now! It’s recommended that we give the pump a rest every five to fifteen minutes, so depending on how long you can wait to have some pleasure yourself, vary up the activities. You can leave the pump on and explore his body with your tongue or take it off and give his penis some more tongue action. As with any stimulation, it can take some adjusting and you may find your guy can only take the extra sensation for a short time without exploding at first, so let him build to his comfort and take it from there. This is definitely a fun toy for a change in pace of masturbation or hand jobs or for extreme stimulation while he explores your body with his other hand.


Masturbation Sleeves
The next set of toys is the masturbation sleeves. This toy is probably one of the easiest toys to use. Typically owned by single men, there’s no reason why it can’t provide fun for two. Again, this is another inviting option for a guy who likes hand jobs from you and himself. The sleeve is typically a long tube of warm fleshy material (like jelly or silicon) that has a large opening at one end for the penis and a smaller opening at the bottom end. The trick to these toys is finding one the right size. Although most appear quite small, they stretch to accommodate most size stretching up to about 3 extra inches. So although width isn’t usually a problem, length can be.

The smaller opening at the bottom end of the sleeve allows for the penis to slide out with full penetration. This sensation is sensation to some men, yet others prefer to remain within the warmth of the sleeve. It’s a personal choice your man may need to try to figure out through some trial play time. The fun thing with the masturbation sleeves is the variety of looks they come in. Some shaped like the voluptuous thighs of a woman from behind or in front, hard shelled cases with tantalizingly fleshy realms waiting within. You’ll have fun exploring in this category of toys.

Once you’ve chosen the perfect toy for you and your guy, it’s best to get started with some foreplay and teasing before using the sleeve. I am always a big fan of tickling and licking all over. Once he is hard, his penis can be inserted into the sleeve. It might be easier to get him to get it on at first. Don’t forget to lube up to avoid chaffing. Once his penis is inside the sleeve, it is like giving a hand job, slide the sleeve up and down his shaft, you can twist slightly as you pull up to increase the friction, try staying at the tip and sliding the sleeve quickly or slowly over the head of the penis. For another stimulating move, try sliding the sleeve very slowly down his penis giving him a good squeeze as you move. And, to mix things up a little, slide the sleeve quickly down him with just enough force to give his scrotum a stimulating slap. Once again, when you get used to the motion and the actions, get daring! Try new things, watch for his reactions, and don’t neglect his nipples, thighs, ass, and testicles.

Erection (Cock) Rings
Erection rings are another toy that is well known to most. They follow the basic idea of the penis pump; blood in the penis is good. This toy helps to keep most of the blood flowing to his organ in it. It is easiest to put on an already erect penis and can be worn at the base of his shaft or include his scrotum as well. In order to determine the size of the erection ring, measure around the scrotum and penis or just around the shaft. You shouldn’t get a ring that is any smaller than this diameter. If you are unsure of the size needed, then go for an adjustable ring or one that is made of a more flexible material such as jelly.

The cock rings listed here are some of the most popular ones for comfort, feel, and looks. Single strap rings are a single strap (usually leather) that fasten around the penis and scrotum and are adjustable and easy to remove. A perfect starter for the beginner!

The solid ring is the one more stereotypically seen in sexually motivated movies. Made of plastic or metal, and are applied before an erection is achieved. They can be a little trickier to get on as they have no flex to them, and they can only be removed once the erection is lost.

The testicle spreader does just what its name implies; it spreads the testicles through the attachment of straps around each testicle. The straps then click onto the ring. Another similar ring is the testicle stretcher which elongates the scrotum and can be attached to a leash or small weights for extra pleasure or a bit of role playing. Ball stretchers will actually cause your fellows testicles to hang lower if used over a prolonged period.

Finally, the last and favorite of many is the vibrating ring. This one is a great toy for him and her all around. It is the same as the single strap erection ring but made from a firm jelly, and comes with a vibrating bullet that can be placed the tip of the penis, on the clitoris or at the base of the scrotum for added pleasure. No matter what type of ring you choose, it is important to remove the ring every 20 – 30 minutes to allow the blood to circulate through the penis so that the erectile tissues receive enough oxygen to remain healthy. An erection ring shouldn’t be used if you have any type of groin or genital injury. If your guy is on blood thinners, has a clotting disorder, or is diabetic, he should talk to his doctor before playing with erection rings.

The best thing about erection rings is that they can be put on in many tantalizing ways before they even conjure pleasure through their presence. It is easiest to start with a simple ring. You can put it on with your hands or your mouth. This does take some practice, but usually as long as you give him some pleasure in between trying, he won’t mind all of the extra attention. Hold the ring in your mouth between your lips and your teeth then slide your mouth down over his penis and use your tongue to help roll the ring onto his penis. Unless you have abnormally good muscle control in your tongue, it may need to be adjusted at the base with your hands. Once on, enjoy his prolonged erection in any way you want! If you are feeing adventurous, try a ribbed, studded or vibrating ring for some extra stimulation yourself. Whatever you do, have fun, and enjoy.

Ticklers
The next category, ticklers, is as fun as it sounds. They can be thought of more as intercourse accessories. Ticklers are textured sleeves or tips that can fit either over the penis or over a vibrator. The texture of the tickler enhances the stimulation of both partners if worn during intercourse.

Ticklers come in many patterns and textures, two of the most popular being ribbed (which is a sleeve covered with many circular nodules) and the pineapple which has ridges along the body and fronds at the tip for a little extra excitement. These pleasure inducing items can be worn during intercourse (tickler sleeves) or may just cover the tip for “tickling” the opening of the vagina or the anal entry. However, be careful not to lose the tip type in any passage.

Ticklers are mostly used by men, but can also be used on them. Place the tickler on one or several of your fingers. Use it to massage his sensitive areas. Give his ass and anus a stroke. If he is interested, try a little bit of anal stimulation rubbing the tickler around his anus until he is relaxed and the press slightly on the anus, just enough that it is slightly indented and then vibrate the tickler or turn in a small twisting action. The tickler can also be used to stimulate the erogenous areas of his penis. Run the tickler along the underside of his shaft, around his testicles, and if he isn’t too sensitive, try giving the tip of his penis a tickle as well. There is really no limit to the ways in which a tickler can be used.


Extenders
These toys are not only for men who wish to be longer, but also for women who love that sensation deep within. There are two types of extenders: the strap-on, and the strapless. The strap-on is a hollowed out rigid or semi rigid tube that fits over your man’s erect penis. As the name implies, a strap is required to help keep the penis extension in place. The strapless extensions however roll on much like a condom with a few extra fleshy inches at the head. This is another great toy that can be applied with your lips and tongue if the material is flexible and soft enough.

The downfall to these great toys is that they do affect penile sensitivity. (It is like the equivalent of wearing four or five condoms.) Although they do cover the penis and are quite thick, they are not considered an adequate measure of STD and birth control. For the strap-on type of extender a condom should be worn underneath for effective safe sex practices. With the strapless kind, a condom should be worn over the outside of the extender.

Extra care needs to be taken with jelly, rubber or silicon extenders as nicks in them could cause them to tear. Furthermore, oil or petroleum based lubricants (i.e. Vaseline) shouldn’t be used with rubber, latex or cyberskin type products. As well, silicon-based lubes can’t be used on silicon. If incompatible lubes are used on the extenders, deterioration may occur. A little bit of soap and water is all it takes to clean these toys up. These extravagant penis extensions can be fun for role-playing, or just trying a different penis for a day. They do increase both size and width and come in textured variations for your pleasure. If your man finds the decrease in sensitivity a mood killer, try out the vibrating version! Once again I remind you ladies, just because the penis is covered, there are plenty of other erogenous zones that need some attention! It may also be important to remind your guy (not during the heat of the moment of course) that this toy is just fun for role playing and that it has nothing to do with inadequacy of his tools or his ability to use them.


The Verdict
So, ladies, there is a treasure chest of spine tingling, toe curling toys out there for your guy. It’s up to you (or the two or you) to pick and choose your favorites. Don’t be afraid to try new things and surprise him with a special new treat. But remember, no matter what toy you choose, it is always a good idea to invest in lubricant. It spares your lover from the risk of painful blisters or rub spots and feels great with whatever toy you choose first. Because when he feels good, you’re going to feel good too!

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