Saturday, December 20, 2008

Penis envy: Ladies, you have a penis of your own for 24 hours.

Ladies, you have a penis of your own for 24 hours. Besides THE OBVIOUS, what will you do with that bad boy?

I'll lead. Try on boxers and briefs to see which I preferred. Take a piss and see what's so hard about shaking off that last drop. Wear tight jeans and see which leg It will hang down. Wear a jock strap and see what it feels like with something in it. Stand up naked with a hard-on and see if I fall forward. Give myself a handjob and see if I'm left-handed that way too. Lay in a tub of water and see if It floats. Write my name in the snow. Try to make It swing in a figure-eight pattern. Bestow a name on It. Measure It. See if I can give myself a blowjob (hey, Ron Jeromy can do it!). Strut my stuff like a Chippendale. Stick It in a vacuum cleaner hose to see what's the big attraction. Go take a leak in a men's bathroom and check out the other guys' equipment. Try on a condom. Hide it between my legs and see if I look like a girl.

Anna H. I would get all dressed up in a nice, slinky, black dress with lots of cleavage showing (I am assuming I get to keep my breasts although I would be happy to take a break from them for a few hours) and put on a pair of black thigh high stockings (assuming that Mr. Wiggly would be rather cramped in my normal pair of Hanes Control Top pantyhose). I'd put on some rather dramatic makeup, fluff my hair, and and put on a pair of heels.

Then I'd head off to one of the meat market dance clubs where I am assured of having lots of men hanging around. Wait about an hour and head off to the mens' room. Walk up to the urinal, making sure there were guys standing there too. Hike up my skirt and pull it out and take a pee. Look at the guy next to me and ask, "This is my first time trying this out, 'cause it just showed up a few hours ago! Just how many times do you have to shake this thing anyway?" And peeking at his say, "You know, I'm a woman, and damn, I think mine is actually bigger than yours!"

Blayze10. I'd beat off a lot. And I'd swing it around and around like my husband does, dancing around the house. And I'd bend over in front of the mirror, 'cause I love it when my hubby bends over so I can see his balls and dick a'hangin.

Carol A. I'm assuming in this "experiment" that I would still have my inherent female awareness. I'd be taking mental notes, experimenting, testing throughout the entire day.

My first recollection of penis envy was when I was seven years old on a camping trip with my family. My stepbrother, Bobby, could pee anywhere . . . it was easy, convenient, and tidy. I don't know if it's me or what, but to this day I find peeing outdoors next to impossible. So, if I had a penis, I'd drink lots of water and go for a hike!

Okay, call me a sex-crazed pig, but if I had it, I'd want to flaunt it, somewhat anyway. I'd be wearing blue jeans that have a slightly faded area right at the bulge. A sure eye-catcher. But I can tell you this: I would NOT be adjusting myself in public! I mean, really! And "pocket pool" . . . naaaaaah.

Oh, and ever since I made out with my first boyfriend as a teenager, I felt awful about leaving him with "blue balls". I have a very good male friend who has told me that this is a myth, ladies. But being a skeptic, I want to verify this for myself.

I also want erections within that 24-hour experience that will make me know once and for all if there is a big sensation difference between male and female orgasms. My guess is they're very similar ... can't wait to find out for sure!

And can we conduct this experiment during the winter months so I can write my name in the snow?

Sarah. I would constantly masturbate to see how it felt and then I would have someone blow me to see what technique felt better.

Halcyon. I'd wet my finger with spit and run it along the head to see why it drives men so wild. I'd coax some young thing into kissing it for me. I'd get another guy to stand in front of a mirror so we could watch each other jerk off together. I'd dip it into wet sand on a warm beach. I'd take a shit and see if it dangles into the bowl. I'd try to pee sitting down and see if it splashes. I'd sit around on the back porch where nobody could see me and just wiggle the skin between my fingers. (No, I do NOT want it circumcised!)

Alice. I would get out the porno I hid from my husband and put it in the VCR. I would take my clothes off and jack off like he used to do leaving him out of action. And I'd let him know every ingredient I used for lubrication that day, like the stories I have heard! Let's see here: baby oil, slippery stuff, shaving cream, soap in the shower, toothpaste, cooking oil, strawberry jam, and that motion lotion that gets hot when rubbed. What he would miss while he was at work! Oh, and I would have to wait till he is on the verge of falling asleep, and in a pitiful voice, whisper, "Suck me."

Gossamer. Of course I'd play with it first . . . make it dance, draw faces on it . . . swing it around. Then I'd go pee and see if it's really all THAT difficult to wipe the rim and put the seat down. After I got that mystery solved, I would get dressed and play a little pocket pool . . . you know, I think it must be fun to have a "toy" like that around all the time. OH! I'd see what it feels like to run naked with it . . . thinking it would be funny to have that thing wackin' all around when I run. I'd scratch my balls and then get hold of a friend that would let me fuck her so I would know what that feels like.

Dee C. First of all my dick would be about 7.5 inches long and hard, very hard and uncircumcised. I would go after a virgin. It would be the most beautiful experience she would ever have. I would convince her she would have the best of both worlds: the tenderness of a woman and the hardness of a man . . .

Just imagining what it would be like to be wrapped around warm, wet, tight, soft lips. Hmmmm, it would be so wonderful, so enjoyable.

MartianGirl. Attempt to figure out what the fascination with the "pissing contest" is. I would find out why it is that men have so much trouble lasting for more than ten minutes at a time. Find out why they always have to "adjust" and what is the correct position. Do those holes in the underwear really work? Try on a pair of Speedos and find out why men seem to think they are sexy on everybody. See what "sweaty ball syndrome" feels like. Find out why my balls itch all the time.

Karen R. If I had that southern buddy for a day, I think that I would definitely be touching it . . . quite a bit, just because it's there and I can. And how many times a day do you get to touch a penis just when you feel like it? I'd probably get so worked up about having the penis that I'd walk up to other people and say, "This is incredible . . . would you like to touch my penis?"
At random intervals during the day, I would suddenly shout, "Aaaahhhh, my penis is loose, my penis is loose!" And fling it out, and run around like a chicken with it's head cut off just to see what other guys would do.

Or if I was in class at school, and I was talking to someone, and my penis all of the sudden woke up, I'd say, "Hold on a second," and look down my pants and then say, "Yep, George was trying to get my attention. We'll be right back." And walk into the nearest bathroom and make funny breathing noises.

Rosebud. I don't really think I would like having a penis for a day because it seems like it would be uncomfortable to lug around all that extra weight RIGHT between your legs. But if I did have a penis for one day I would try to stretch it to see how flexible it it, tie it in a knot, wag it around and laugh about how funny it looks, see if it really hurts as bad as men say it does when you get hit right in the package, take it out and chase people down the street with it, pee and then wipe it with toilet paper to see why men don't, show it to everybody I know, and last but not least - I would try to hang something from my erection!

Debbie R. I would jump up and down on a trampoline and see if it could keep up. Then I'd try as hard as I can to give myself a blowjob. Then I'd stick it in a pineapple on the limp thing and watch it break when I get hard. Then I'd fuck a donut until it broke, then I'd put on a pair of boxers, watch the hog hang, and walk down the road with it dangling.

Kay D. Walk around in a corporate office setting and thump people in the head with my penis.

Yvette. First, I'd name it. Can't have a stranger making my decisions, even if it is only for one day! My penis's name would be "Homunculus" which means "Little Man" in Latin. Then I'd go out and get a Prince Albert (you know one of those tres chic genital piercings). I'd also want to try that towel trick, and Other Stupid Penis Tricks I read about. Of course, I'd have to take pictures of everything, lots of pictures, especially nude ones. It's not like you have a "penis for a day" any ol' day now, do ya?

Yonita. Since I have a tongue ring, I would suck myself off to see how it really feels and since I am double-jointed, I'd try humming on my own balls to see how that feels also.

Skydanca. If I had a penis for a day, I would also like a pair of nice big, heavy balls to go with it so I could weigh them in my hand, and run my nails gently over the wrinkles and get the feeling of them tightening up from both angles; and how it is when someone puts it in their mouth with icecubes; and see what the thrill is about bumping into someone and rubbing against them; and maybe, if I am luck, I can get someone to tease me and squeeze them under a table, in the car, a sneak squeeze in the store. And what the difference is between a regular blowjob and deep throat.

Noelle. If I had a penis, I would go to work and ask for a raise. Because, at my work, you obviously need a penis between your legs to get anywhere. Then I would try and find someone who I could perform anal sex on, to see if it's really all that, and I've always wanted to use the line, "But honey, it was an accident!"

Geezlouise. Oh the joy, to have a piece of manmeat of my very own for the day!! First, I would pamper it, just soak in the tub and watch it float, tenderly drying it off, then massaging warmed lotion on it, just for the feeling. I would dance and twirl to watch it move, wear no underpants and silk to see which is better, pee with no hands, close my eyes and run my nails up the shaft and across my balls, sit back in a chair and just softly smack it back and forth from hand to hand like a penis tennis match.

Pottsy-The-Webber I would have it bronzed so I could use it later cause I just know mine would be the biggest penis that ever dangled upon these vast lands of ours!!!! Maybe I could even have a vibrator made out of the bronzed penis??? That's what I would do with mine, besides THE OBVIOUS, that is.


Anonymous said...

As a man if I had a vagina for 24 hours I would be sad that I didn't have a penis. I'd also put things in it, but mainly I'd miss my penis.

yetle99 said...

i would probably cry until it goes away