Monday, December 22, 2008

Sex Positions 101: Because Missionary Style is Boring

The Jigsaw Jackknife

How to do it: When she's lying on her side, lie down facing her. Then straddle her bottom leg and rest her top leg around your waist. You should fit together like, um, two puzzle pieces.

Tip: To maximize your momentum, grab her thigh like the oar of a slave galley and pull her against you when you thrust.

Amanda, 24, says: "He can pull me open by raising my leg higher and give me everything he's got. But, the best is when he slowly rotates his hips in a circle, like he's stirring me."

Brian says: I've never tried this one before, but it doesn't look very comfortable. My lower body would probably fall asleep, which is a bad thing. A VERY bad thing.

The Praying Mantis

How to do it: Find a spot for her to sit on that's about one foot lower than your pelvis . (Think: hood of a car, the boss' desk...) Stand at the edge, lean her back, and let her feet rest on your shoulders. Hoist her butt up with your hands so that her back forms a straight line, her pelvis is tilted upward, and your crotches are shaking hands.

Tip: Give her a bonus shot of ecstasy by encouraging her to dial "O".

Frances, 27, says: "The only time I've ever had multiple orgasms was in this position. There's something about him grabbing my ass..."

Brian says: Just the thought of fucking a girl on top of my boss' desk is turning me on right now!!
Sara, 28, says: "This is way better than the missionary position because we're lined up more evenly, so every move rubs my clit."

Brian says: I've never tried this one and I doubt I will ever do. It just looks too close-up, which is good in a way but not TOO close. I don't think I want the girl to see my eyes all rolled back when I cum.

The Cherry Push-Up

How to do it: Slide two or four inches up from missionary, but with your legs on the outside. Cup your arms around her shoulders and lie flat against her. She tilts her pelvis up, which creates a more erotic up-and-down motion.

Tip: If she wants you to fish in deeper waters, she can spread her inner thighs wider and wrap her ankles around your calves.

The Humpty-Rumpty

How to do it: She lies on her stomach, keeping her legs together. Straddle her. To make your grand entrance easier, hold her ass deliciously up, so her belly's pressed into the mattress. Slip into her and lean on your forearms for support.

Tip: If you can't get the right angle, slide a big pillow under her lower body so that she's sloped in the right direction.

Cynthia, 29, says: "He's so close to me that he can whisper nasty things to me or nibble on my ear. I love that we can be so sensual and intimate, and at the same time he's grinding me."

Brian says: This position looks way too tricky for me. It also looks like the guy on top is raping the girl on the bottom, the way their bodies joined together. However, I do like the "dirty talks" aspect. "Oh yeah, oh baby you're so tight oh yeah!!!" [wry laugh]

Brian says: This one is hard [no pun intended] for me when I tried it. After a few minutes of thrusting, my knees got all chafed up from the carpet. However if you aim slightly upward as you thrust in you'll most likely hit the G-spot. Yay?

The Jackhammer

How to do it: Have her sit on the edge of a chair or couch, legs spread, and have her lean back. Kneel in front of her and throw her feet over your shoulders. When you enter her Bermuda Triangle, your pelvis should be slightly higher than hers for maximum downward thrust. Commence drillin'.

Tip: If the couch is too high, kneel on the edge of it to straddle her. Grab the sofa for leverage.

Nicole, 24, says: "This is not a gentle 'making love' kind of position. This is my favorite way of getting it on because you're at an angle whree a guy really has to give it to you."

The Dirty Santa

How to do it: Park yourself in an armless chair that's narrow enough for her to comfortably straddle. (Avoid wicker, unfinished wood, or any other chair with a surface that has potential to pinch, splinter, or chafe your rump roast.) Then let her hop on your pogo stick and bounce up and down to her heart's content.

Tip: Keep your feet together and tilt your hips upward--this angling gives her a good grinding surface to work against.

Rachel, 25, says: "I don't know any woman who doesn't like the naughty feeling of mounting her man while he's in the sitting position. It's like an X-rated lap dance."

Brian says: This is my favorite sex position of all. It just feels so intimate when a girl straddles your body while you're sitting down and grinds her hip against yours. You can control how fast and how deep she grinds by grabbing her ass and moving her body with yours. With practice, it is possible to thrust upward in a rhythm, or move your lower body side to side and back and forth to further stimulate her clit and G-spot [provided that you can FIND where that blasted thing is]. As an added bonus, her breasts should be bouncing in front of your face. Hint hint...

Brian says: This looks boring, and I think it'll take me forever to cum. If a girl straddles then rock back and forth slowly, the legs tends to fall asleep. I'd try it, but I doubt that I will like it. Once again, it is VERY important that your lower body doesn't fall asleep in the middle of sex.

The Wobbly Wheelbarrow

How to do it: Sit upright with your legs outstretched, then have her straddle your lap and positions her legs behind your back. It helps if you lean against something, such as a wall or a headboard. Have her lift her lower body off the bed onto your lap, leaning back onto her hands for support. Then cast your rod slightly downward to meet her port of entry.

Tip: Give an assist by cupping her butt and pulling her toward you.

Molly, 27, says: "I'm in control of 'how deep' and 'how fast' in this position. I'm a huge fan of the rocking motion, because he doesn't get overexcited...and lasts longer."

Girl on the Side

How to do it: With the two of you lying on your sides, spoon her from behind (don't gag--it gets better). Have her wrap her legs around you. Then slide in, and slowly thrust.

Tip: To create a tighter container for you and more friction for her, keep her top leg pressed down with your arm.

Laura, 29, says: "This one's a winner because he's rubbing all the right places from behind, but you're cuddling at the same time."
Brian says: I think this one should be reserved for those oh-so-romantic moments in a relationship. You know, gag-fests such as Valentine's night, anniversaries, wedding night, etc etc. I would try it though, because both person gets what they want--the guy gets sex while the girl gets the cuddling.


How to do it: You lie on your back and she kneels on top of you. Make the connection.

Tip: To make insertion easier and add a touch of eroticism, lick her fingers and have her rub your tip. After contact, push her forward or back to get the right grip for your ballcarrier. Top o' the Morning

Jenny, 26, says: "I like being on top not only because I get to do things my way but because I love seeing his agony/ecstasy face when I go fast, then slow, teasing him the whole way."

Brian says: I learned the hard way that giving the girl too much freedom during sex is a bad thing--they will torture you by bucking and and down, then stopping completely right before you're about to cum. Lay there like a log if you dare, I don't recommend it though.


How to do it: With your woman on all fours, enter her from behind. In slow thrusts, move in and out of her, gradually increasing your speed, then alternating between slow and fast pace to build her O-ticipation.

Tip: Spread her legs wider for deeper penetration. Don't just grab onto her ass and pump away--do something with your hands. Lightly pinch her nipples or let her suck on your fingers. No air guitar--if she catches you in the mirror, you're toast.

Rebecca, 28, says: "What I like most is that it's a very primal position. I love being spun around and humped like an animal. I feel so vulnerable, but it's so hot."

Brian says: It's a reaaaaally bad idea to bark like a real dog while you're humping your woman from behind in this position. Feel like a porno-star though.

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