Thursday, October 29, 2009

Blowjob (Fellatio) Tutorial: Lessons 9-14

LESSON NINE

Now lets turn to another portion of your partner's anatomy which should
not be ignored-the family jewels. Here are two objects which can enhance
your partner's feelings more than any other. Many people do not think
of the balls as primary sexual objects. Many men are extremely sensitive
and just as in lesson eight there must be a certain amount of trust
built up between the two of you before he will willingly let you have
undisputed use of these two pearls of delight!

For today's lesson begin by gently licking his balls with your tongue.
As your partner becomes more trusting you may begin to play with his
nipples with your fingers gradually increasing or decreasing the
intensity as you gauge how he is responding. You may want to gently
caress his cock with your hand while you are bathing his balls with your
tongue.

Remember that the balls are extremely sensitive to pain and he will lose
his trust in you if you do not respect any limits he places on them just
as you have the right to place limits on the back of your throat until
you are completely ready to receive him.

It is possible once you have built up this trust to take both his balls
in your mouth. He will be more receptive to this if you thoroughly wet
them with your tongue prior to taking them into your mouth. Unless your
partner is into the new fad of complete body shaving he will have tiny
hairs on his testicles. By giving the balls a complete tongue bath prior
to taking them into your mouth, you will have pressed these hairs down
along the surface of the sac and will not inadvertently cause pain by
pulling on them.

This may seem a small lesson but you will discover an entirely new world
of sensations for your partner when you take the time to get to know his
testicles!

LESSON TEN

I hesitated to include this into your lesson plan but finally I decided
that if you are aware of the most safe way to do this technique that my
responsibility for giving you the tools to be the best cocksucker you
can be will be satisfied.

Analingus. Putting your tongue to his anal opening. Ass sucking.

Before you even consider doing this, make certain that your partner is
clean. Immediately out of the shower. Place a piece of Saran wrap over
the butt. At no time should your tongue come into contact with the anal
surface itself.

For this lesson place your partner on his back with his legs in the air
and his knees close to his shoulders. This spreads his buttocks apart
and allows you access to his butthole.

You are probably under the impression that actual penetration of the
asshole itself is necessary for your partner to receive the most
complete enjoyment of this technique. Not so mojo! The nerve endings
around the anus itself have no discrimination and you will get him off
just as well and as thoroughly by licking around the area as if you
stick your tongue up his butt!

As with some of your other lessons this technique will not usually be
enough to get him to cum, but I feel that it is important to know all
aspects of your partner's body in order to give him the most complete
pleasure you can. You may find that after many hours of oral pleasure
you need to have other areas to concentrate on in order to give him the
satisfaction he deserves.

Analingus is a powerful stimulant and when combined with other
activities such as vigorous hand stimulation on his cock will cause a
rapid and powerful cum!

LESSON ELEVEN

For most of our lessons the only thing required is yourself, your
partner, and a condom. Maybe some Saran wrap. A plastic glove or two.
Well, another toy that will enhance your pleasure is a mini-vibrator.
For this lesson you may want to start with your finger. Then as you and
your partner become more accustomed to each other you may find him a
little intrigued about the vibrator and what it can do for him.

As you are giving head begin a slow playful search around his ass. Many
men are particularly sensitive in this area and it will enhance the
sensations that your mouth and tongue and throat are giving his cock to
feel a finger playing with his butt. As your partner relaxes and
allows you access, gently insert your gloved finger into his butt. Go
slowly exploring the velvety sensations along the sides of his opening.

When your finger is inside his asshole completely you will be at the
area of the prostate gland. Massage of this gland by your finger will
produce some of the most delightful sensations your partner has yet to
experience. I remember going to the doctor for a physical the first
time I felt this sensation. I could hardly wait to get home and have my
partner try it out on me again. While it was a bit embarrassing to cum
in the doctor's office, the feelings that the doctor inadvertently
produced were so strong that I wanted to experience them again and
again!

A gloved finger is really all that is required for this lesson. However
some members of the Cocksuckers Club of America report to me that a
mini-vibrator works exceptionally well for this type of stimulus. It is
just the same length as the average finger and due to the vibrations
that it produces the sensations against the prostate gland are even more
enhanced!

If your partner likes this stimulation you must then discover which
method he likes best. Some men prefer an in an out movement with the
finger or the vibrator while others do not. I personally find this
painful--too much like a stab in the dark. I prefer the finger or
vibrator to be placed against the prostate gland and left there to do
its most. Whichever method your partner prefers is the one you should
use.

One other point. When your partner cums there will be a natural tendency
for him to push the finger or vibrator out of his asshole. The asshole
muscles are spasming and anything in the way will be forced out. But to
maximize his pleasure you must not let this happen. Hold your finger or
the vibrator firmly in place-- this will help to stimulate the sperm
production to its maximum.

Many people have questioned me about a vibrator around the cock itself.
Does it add to the sensation or not?

It does for my partner, it does not for me. That seems to be the
consensus of opinion of other readers of FRENCH CUISINE MAGAZINE as
well. I suggest as long as you have the vibrator handy anyway, try it
around the penis. When you are licking his balls. When you are licking
his asshole. If he gets off on it, then feel free to use the vibrator
around his dick and balls. If he hates the sensation obviously don't
try it again.

LESSON TWELVE

There are times when you will want to get him off in a hurry! I always
say that Southern boys learn this one first and then expand their
repertory from that point. But because I want you to become an expert at
all aspects of oral lovemaking I deliberately waited until now to
introduce this technique. It differs from lesson four in that you are a
more consummate cocksucker now. He will love it all the more if he
realizes that this is not the only trick you have down your mouth!

It is a very simple technique and if you understand your partner's basic
cock anatomy you will grasp this one easily. Place your lips around the
head of your partner's cock and twirl your lips wetly and gently around
the coronal ridge at the back of the head of his penis. This does not
require any great cocksucking skill and it works simply because this is
the area that is most sensitive on your partner's cock.

It is not necessary to be a skillful cocksucker. All that is necessary
is for you to find the most sensitive area around the coronal area. By
sucking on this area of his cock continuously you will produce a quick
powerful cum. It is not necessary to bob your head up and down on his
cock to get him off. One other use of this technique is to get him hard
again after he cums and you will soon find him rip roaring to go again.

LESSON THIRTEEN

Don't be surprised if you find yourself going back to this lesson for
seconds. We discussed briefly at the end of lesson 12 a technique to get
him going again if he has recently cum. Today after you have gotten
your man off, lets concentrate on some techniques to get him back on
again. Not just to get him hard but to keep him hard. Hard enough to
want to cum again!

After he has cum you may need other techniques to keep him hard and to
keep him interested. Many men (not all but a good portion of us) are
exhausted by a single cum and while it is possible to get your partner
up again you have a long way to go before you get him to cum again.

Cocksucking alone at this time is usually not enough to get him off.
You will need to combine some of the techniques you have learned earlier
with your basic cocksucking technique to stimulate the juices for a
second and third go around. Don't hesitate in your exploration of his
body at this time. His nipples, his balls, his asshole. His armpits.
His earlobes.

For the second cum you are free to really get into his body and explore
all those erotic areas that you missed when you were concentrating on
his cock exclusively. His navel. His toes.

One of the things I find most exciting about the second cum is the lack
of expectation that you must get him to climax within a certain time
frame. You have all the time in the world to really give his total body
a complete tongue bath. You can explore his body safely and completely
and really get to know the total body as well as you know his delightful
dick! This is merely a sign that you are becoming a true connoisseur of
cockflesh. A title I am proud to hold.

LESSON FOURTEEN

Soixante-Neuf Sixty Nine

Sixty nine is not always the perfect way to provide your partner oral
satisfaction. Inadvertently one of you will "let up" your end of the
cocksucking in order to experience the subtle pleasures the other
partner is giving you. For this reason I have included it as the final
lesson. Many people think that the deep throat technique is the ultimate
pleasure you can give your partner. Actually I believe that sixty-nine
is the ultimate pleasure.

Done correctly and unselfishly when both of you are completely in tune
with each others innermost desires, the sixty nine is the ultimate. But
because of the problem mentioned earlier in this lesson, most people
practice it too early and it becomes an intensely satisfying experience
for one partner at the expense of the other. When you are completely on
each other's wavelength you will discover that this is the most
effective way of giving as well as receiving pleasure.

The element that must be in place is simple: Both of you must be
consummate cocksuckers! If you have a partner who is not in the least
interested in giving head and only likes to receive it then to attempt
sixty-nine is to ask for unhappiness in your relationship.

TECHNIQUES

As editor of FRENCH CUISINE MAGAZINE I sometimes send out questionnaires
to our members to find out more. I question them about their desires,
and their favorite ways to practice safe and sane oral sex Here are some
of the most popular variations on cocksucking.

THE BUTTERFLY FLUTTER

The best position for this very sensuous cocksucking movement is
kneeling over your partner. If he is on his back kneel between his legs.
Or kneel in front of your partner while he stands. I like this position
because the cock feels thicker in your mouth and throat and you have
complete freedom to play with his balls while performing this maneuver.

This technique was first introduced to me by a cocksucker in northern
California. There was a notorious movie theater in downtown San
Francisco with a darkened balcony. A cocksucker's haven. And this guy
had us lined up. You knew from the moans emanating from the guy's
throat who was getting his cock sucked that this guy was that one in a
thousand who knew how to please a variety of fresh cockmeat. It felt so
good that I studied him closely while he was sucking cock. Not only did
I observe the guys who were getting the radical suck, but I got down
close to the cock and observed how he was maneuvering around it. He
created the basic vacuum pressure on the cock but only enough pressure
to pull the cock into his mouth ever so slightly.

With his lips firmly wrapped around the guy's big swollen cock head and
shaft he would gently flick the tip of the cock with his tongue. With
his lips open around the cock at a depth so that he could touch the tip
of the cock with the tip of his tongue. With his lips around the cock
shaft he would make an up and down movement with his tongue. He would
flutter his tongue up and down the tip of the cock.

I recommend you try it. It will drive your Butterfly Flutter partner
back into your mouth at any hour you want him there. After several
minutes of this continue with the basic vacuum suck.

THE TRAVELING FIGURE EIGHT

After you have become comfortable with the basic vacuum suck and you
have become accustomed to his cock deep in your mouth and throat try
this action. It is guaranteed to take his breath away. With your lips
firmly wrapped around the cock shaft try very slowly to reach the base
of the shaft or as close to it as you are comfortable. Your nose should
be buried in or at least touching the pubic hairs at the base of the
cock.

With your nose trace a figure eight as if the figure eight were lying on
it's side. Your figure eight motion should be three to four inches
long. Slowly travel up the shaft of the cock to the head, doing the
figure eight motion. Keep doing this motion and let your lips firmly
travel up and down the cock shaft. Do this for as long as you are
comfortable with it. Believe me your man is floating in orbit as his
wildest dreams of the ultimate blow job are coming true.

I give credit for this most erogenous technique to a member of "The
Cocksuckers Club of America" who lives in Oregon. He and his partner
were on vacation down in Southern California and they visited me while
here. After seeing him scrape his partner off the ceiling when he did
the Traveling Figure Eight, I rushed right into my bedroom and perfected
it on my own partner! When you get tired of the movement slow down and
return to the basic vacuum suck.

By this time you are becoming more and more confident with your partner.
His cock feels great as it fills your mouth and throat. The cock is
becoming harder and warmer as your warm moist mouth and throat create
friction by going up and down that big beautiful cock. It is time to
cool his tool just a little with this technique.

I take full credit for this one myself! From tho time I hit puberty I
was fascinated by cocks. Big ones, little ones, cut ones, uncut ones,
crooked ones, straight ones. All shapes, all sizes. I wanted to feel
them down my throat! Combine this very basic love of cocksucking with an
inherent fear of not being able to take cock and completely satisfy the
customer and you can imagine how I felt. I needed a technique that would
feel good in my mouth and would feel good for my partner. Here's what I
came up with:

Go down on the cock shaft as far as you are comfortable. All the while
your lips should be firmly wrapped around the shaft. Open your mouth as
wide as you can and suck in as much air as your lungs will hold. While
sucking in air let your open mouth travel up to the cock head. Your up
stroke motion should end at the head of his cock just as your lungs fill
with air. Now with your mouth still open let the air in your lungs out
slowly through your mouth as your opened mouth travels back down the
cock shaft. This technique cools the cock on the up stoke and warms the
cock with your hot breath on the down stroke. Do this movement as long
as you like then return to the basic vacuum suck method.

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are doing just fine and he loves it! Keep it up as long as you are
comfortable with it. For his added pleasure and to give you something to
play with reach up and fondle his balls. Or go up even further and play
with his nipples. This will give him something else to concentrated on
so he doesn't pop his cock yet. If you feel he is about to cum stop
what you are doing and let him cool off for a few minutes. After all
you are having fun and you want to enjoy his cock as much as you can
until you get tired of it. Then let him pop his cock! But not yet. He
likes it too much and he wants it to last as long as you can keep it
going.

THE CIRCLE

Place his stiff cock inside your mouth but do not tighten your lips
around the shaft. With your head begin a circle motion. The cock will
slide to different places in your mouth as you continue the circle
motion. Watch your teeth on this one.

A kneeling position will suffice but it is also effective when your
partner is on his back and your head is directly over his cock. The
circle should be executed in both clockwise and counterclockwise motions
in a slow purposeful manner.

THE LOLLIPOP LICK

With your man sitting in an elevated position and you on your knees in
front lift his hard cock to reveal his balls. With your tongue find the
underside of his balls. Now, while resting his balls on your wet tongue,
lick in an upward motion to the very tip of his cock. It is permissible
to use your hands in this technique. It is better to do this technique
several times in succession-like licking a lollipop or ice cream cone.

Blowjob (Fellatio) Tutorial: Lessons 1-8

Let's talk about the "basic penis." I regard oral sex as the highest
form of expression of love that can be exchanged between two people.
Hopefully this information will help you to break down any barriers
which you might have that would prevent you from expressing your love in
this way and from receiving a reciprocation from your male companion.

First things first. LOOK at the cock. I do not mean a cursory glance
not a hurried, surreptitious examination. Take enough time that you
convince your companion that some kind of treat is in store for him
provided he will allow you to do with him, and particularly with his
cock, exactly what you want.

Place him flat on his back on your bed, in a well lighted room. Take his
cock in your hand and LOOK at it. He probably will not have the will
power to stay soft, but then again you are worshipping his very essence.
Few men can stay soft under these circumstances, when it is apparent
that the person LOOKING at his cock is worshipping.

When you first start to touch him, his cock will become hard and be in a
state where your examination will be meaningful. Wouldn't it be nice if
going to the doctor for an examination was as enriching?

The cock must be hard if you are to be able to note the important
parts-those parts sensitive to stimulation by your lips and tongue.

The first thing you will note is whether or not he is circumcised.
Circumcision is not universally practiced: there are advantages and
disadvantages to penises in both conditions from the standpoint of
providing oral caresses that bring the highest kind of delight to your
man.

Next take a close look at the shaft of the penis itself. There is a
bulbous part of the organ near the outer end, slightly larger in
diameter than the shaft, which is often called the head. Technically
this is the glans penis (comes from the Latin glans which means acorn.
Look at it closely; does kind of look like an acorn doesn't it?)

The outside perimeter of the glans penis is the corona. This joins the
head to the shaft. This is the most sensitive spot on the penis. It is
toward this ridge that you will direct most of your attention when you
are giving head. Follow this ridge around to the underside of the
penis. You know that I like to call it the underbelly. I am particularly
fond of the underbelly!

You will notice a point of juncture where the two ends of this irregular
circle come together. If your partner is not circumcised, this will also
be the point where the foreskin is attached. This tiny area is easily
the most sensitive spot on his entire body, and it is possible to bring
your partner to climax simply by gently tapping the tip of your tongue
directly on it. Spend time caressing the glans and those areas
immediately surrounding it.

Beneath the glans is the shaft of the penis. The shaft does not have
many nerve endings and does not, therefore, provide a man with any high
degree of stimulation when caressed either manually or with your tongue
to the exclusion of the glans penis itself. It always amazes me to note
the number of confirmed cocksuckers who believe that sucking up and down
on the shaft will get the guy off. That's not it folks! If it works it
is because the back of your throat is playing tricks on his glans penis.
Your throat is giving head to his head!

Beneath the shaft are the testicles (balls, jewels, call them what you
like, but let's not ignore their significance). The testicles are
extremely sensitive to pain and are not usually considered subject to
erotic stimulation to any particular degree. Not true! You can add a
high degree of pleasure for him by paying the right kind of attention to
the balls!

Now lets go back to the shaft of the matter. The opening in the tip of
the glans penis is the meatus. Here is where the cum spurts. (I could
have said semen is ejaculated but I did not want to sound too
professional).

There are other parts of a man's body which respond with alacrity to
oral stimulation.

Many men are particularly sensitive around the nipples. The first time I
kissed my partner's nipples he shot before I had the chance to even get
near his cock. While I have not been able to duplicate this in the
laboratory setting (he hates to go near the lab with me) my partner
still gets extremely turned on by my lingual nipple caresses.

So LOOK at your partner's penis. Study it. Learn its areas of special
sensitivity completely and be ready to apply your knowledge to his body
with your tongue and with your lips when you bend your loving head over
his cock. There is nothing that you can do which more clearly shows your
love for him than the worship you can provide his cock!

LESSON TWO

The sad fact is that most people, men and women, do not have the
slightest idea of how to suck cock. Most seem to think that simply by
making a cunt of their mouth, closing it around a man's penis, and
bobbing their heads lustily up and down until he climaxes automatically
makes them expert cocksuckers. Au contraire!

Consummate skill is required to suck a man's cock and provide him with
the highest degree of pleasure possible. When I first started my quest
I really had no one to turn to for advise and counsel. It was all hunt
and suck. Hunt and suck. Find that one technique that could and would
set him on fire! I had to learn from my experiences and while I would
not want to deny you the innate pleasure that these experiences will
bring I would hate to see you lose a great companion because of your
inexperience and lack of expertise.

Let's assume that you have taken that opportunity to LOOK at his penis.
To explore each area of the penis to find the most sensitive parts. That
you have gotten beyond "Parts is parts" and recognize that some parts
are more equal than others.

In order for you to observe your man's reactions and get the most
information possible about his responses try the following:

While his erect penis points toward the ceiling, cup his balls in one
hand and gently, using only your tongue, lick softly, but carefully
along the entire underside of his erect organ. As you suck along the
underbelly you will learn those areas that give him the greatest
pleasure when your tongue is touching them. Unless he is made of stone,
your partner will provide you with vivid clues as to which areas are
most pleasurable.

As you discover these areas of enhanced pleasure concentrate on them.
For most men the most sensitive area will be the point where the ring
(or corona) of the head and the foreskin are attached. Or were attached
prior to his circumcision. By continued licking and tapping along this
area with your tongue you are going to bring forth a geyser. If you are
not skilled and you want to please him in a hurry I suggest that you get
him off in this manner in order to become familiar at first hand with
the nature and delight of his climax.

As he is getting ready for climax you will note changes in his penis.
These signs will be the same every time he climaxes so that you can
prepare for his cum properly. The head of the cock may swell somewhat
larger then it is during the normal course of his erection. He may
thrust his hips forward as he wants to send his body hurtling out his
cock with his cum. And for most men, immediately prior to the cum, there
will appear at the tiny, lovely lips at the tip of the cock a clear drop
or two of fluid. When you see this or feel the opening at the meateus
through his condom you know that the moment of truth is at hand. Launch
the torpedoes, full cum ahead!

Where should you be when you are sucking his cock? Between his legs, on
top of him, in a sixty nine position? Where? Because of the structure
of his penis, as well as the structure of your mouth, lips, tongue, and
teeth, you can provide the highest degree of sensation to yourself and
your partner by kneeling between his legs and approaching his cock from
the bottom rather than from the side or the top. Don't believe me? Try
the various positions (I describe in later chapters techniques to be
used with each position). See what works best for you and your partner.

LESSON THREE

Place his stiff cock inside your mouth but do not tighten your lips
around the shaft. With your head begin a circle motion. The cock will
slide to different places in your mouth as you continue the circle
motion. Watch your teeth on this one. A kneeling position will suffice
but it is also effective when your partner is on his back and your head
is directly over his cock. The circle should be executed in both
clockwise and counterclockwise motions in a slow purposeful manner. I
found many guys in New York who seem to prefer this technique above all
others. I met one guy who could circle a cock for hours and I found
myself having multiple orgasms while his mouth circled my cock. I didn't
lose my hard-on after each cum. When the technique is performed
correctly it means many hours of unadulterated pleasure.

LESSON FOUR

With your man sitting in an elevated position and you on your knees in
front of him lift his hard cock to reveal his balls. With your tongue
find the underside of his balls. Now, while resting his balls on your
wet tongue, lick in an upward motion to the very tip of his cock. It is
permissible to use your hands in this technique. It is bettor to do
this technique several times in succession-like licking a lollipop or
ice cream cone. I grew up down south. And one thing about.southern boys.
We learn early how to get if off quickly when the need is there. And the
lollipop lick is the one technique in this book which few men can
tolerate for long periods of time without cumming.

LESSON FIVE

Right now lets discuss a technique that is probably the most common
cocksucking technique in the world. Take his cock in your mouth but not
deeply. We will get to deep throating later on. It's great, not
over-rated, but if you want to be an expert at deep throat start with
the right techniques and work your way down, so to speak.

Take his cock in your mouth by sliding your moistened tongue lovingly
over the head until your lips close around the shaft at the point just
behind the corona. Don't just open your mouth and close it around his
cock. Slide it in. He will enjoy it much more. Encase the shaft of his
penis with your hand. Remember the shaft is relatively insensitive to
any kind of stimulation. By enclosing his penis with your hand you give
him the sensation of having his penis encased.

Now you have several options. Try twisting your head from side to side
making sure your moist lips stay in contact with the coronal ridge.
While doing this gently move your hand up and down the shaft. When he
climaxes he may want to push your head further down the shaft of his
penis. He wants to envelop you with his cock. As you are learning his
climax you will miss the fine points if you deep throat at this time.
Instead gently suck around the corona as he climaxes so that you can
intensify his pleasure and increase the force of his orgasm.

As you gain more experience you will be able to tell exactly when his
climax is approaching and you will be ready for that initial spurt out
the rubber.

LESSON SIX

There is one further refinement to this basic technique which will
heighten his orgasm. If you place your thumb at the very base of the
penis in such a way as to block the tube through which the cum spurts,
the semen cannot escape even though he is spasming and going through the
reflex action of ejaculating semen.

If at the same time you suck vigorously on the head of his cock you can
delay his cum for several long moments. When you finally allow the cum
to spurt it will last much longer and be just as intense as a result.
Even though you delay the cum for only a few short moments you will be
surprised by the intensity of his cum.

These techniques are the basis of cocksucking. Do not go beyond them
until you have become an expert, not only in the techniques themselves,
but also in the reading and interpreting of your partner's responses to
such a point that you know exactly how he is getting off on what you are
doing. When you have reached this point, you are ready for the more
subtle, more advanced techniques.

Don't be so slavish that you miss out on the fun of self discovery. Find
out what works for you and for your partner and make your cocksucking as
individual as your signature. After all, you want your man to pick you
out in the dark among hundred slobbering cocksuckers.

LESSON SEVEN

One of the first things you encountered when you first started to suck
cock was a gag reflex. Most men seem to want to force their cocks down
your throat as far as they can get it. Particularly at the moment when
they cum!

Consider for a moment that the average length of your oral cavity is
three to three and a half inches while the average Caucasian cock length
is five to five and a half inches. The laws of nature would seem to
dictate that getting all that cock into your mouth is an impossibility.

It can be done. You probably know someone who can do it and that is why
you purchased this book to begin with. It is possible to master the
necessary technique. I don't want to be boring, but if you understand
your anatomy you will begin to understand the requirements that allow
you to take his hard cock into your mouth and down your throat. The
biggest obstacle to taking all of his cock down your throat is the fact
that there is a bend of almost ninety degrees behind your tongue leading
down into your throat. So the first thing to do is get the cock past
that angle.

Get past the angle of the dangle!

In order to practice this, get in a position where you can turn your
head in such a way that your mouth and throat lie almost in a straight
line. The best position to accomplish this is to lie on a bed so that
your head is near the edge with your body sprawled across the bed so
that your head is tipped sharply back. This position will put your mouth
and throat nearly in a line and will allow your partner to approach you
in such a way that insertion of his cock can be made so deeply that his
pubic hair presses against your lips.

LESSON EIGHT

Today we will practice mastering physical reaction that must be
alleviated before the art of deep penetration can fully be enjoyed. The
natural tendency of the body to gag when a foreign object such as a
deeply thrusting cock being forced down your throat. You can overcome
this tendency by completely relaxing your throat at moment the insertion
is made. It is equally important that you maintain this relaxation
during the entire deep throating.

Let him put his cock down your throat and hold it still while you find
the most comfortable way to proceed. Because of your position you will
not be able to move or to offer him any greater stimulation than simply
keeping your mouth tightly closed around his throbbing cock. If you are
able try to stimulate his underbelly with your tongue, do it!

You will only be able to relax and take his cock in this way if you
completely thrust your partner. Your partner is in full control. He
must initiate and maintain all the motion. This is the only exercise in
which you relinquish your control of the situation to your partner. He
will relish this for the simple fact that for the first time he can
insert his cock as deeply down your throat as he wants to. Now your
partner begins an in and out movement that is just like fucking. He
should start slowly, especially if this is a completely new experience
for the two of you. After all if he hurts you he cuts himself off from
one of the great pleasures in life. His only other requirement during
this exercise is to keep the motion in the same direction throughout
this oral exercise as there is simply no leeway for him to vary the
motion from side to side.

One other word of caution.

Don't let your partner get carried away at the moment he starts to cum.
At that spectacular moment he will be able for the first time to thrust
his cock all the way inside your oral cavity and that is the most
important lesson of this exercise! His only other requirement during
the exercise is to keep the motion in the same against your lips as he
cums. Because of your position in bed you will not be faced with the
problem of swallowing his cum. And this is not just because he has a
condom on his dick. The reason is because he has gotten his cock BEYOND
your gag reflex! Without the rubber his cum would shoot directly into
your stomach! If both you and your partner understand what it is that
you are trying to do as well as the possible problems that may "cum" up
along the way no harm or discomfort will happen to either of you.

It is possible that not everyone will learn the "deep throat" technique
but this inability does not make you any less a cocksucker. You must
allow your throat to relax completely while your partner is thrusting
his cock this deeply down your throat. To do this long enough for your
partner to completely get it off is very difficult and may require
practice beyond this day. It may be that you will be able to take your
partner completely down your throat, but you will not be able to
maintain proper relaxation of your throat to until he shoots his load.
Hopefully your partner will understand that this is not a rejection of
him or of what he is offering you, and it is my sincere desire that you
not stop here and think that you will never master the "deep throat"
technique.

Continue to practice this lesson. I know couples who have devoted ten
months to this lesson alone. Continue to practice this technique
because your practice will allow you to take his cock deeper into your
throat each time and for longer periods of time. Ultimately you will
succeed. If you have the desire you will get this one down pat!

Q & A: "I noticed some small bumps on my penis. Could these be genital warts?"

I noticed some small bumps on my penis. Could these be
genital warts? If so do I need to do anything about them?

Genital warts are also known as venereal warts, or
condyloma acuminatum. They are a type of wart that look
like those found anywhere else on the body, but that only occur
in the genital area. They are caused by a virus, and transmitted
by direct "skin-to-skin" sexual contact. Once acquired, the virus
cannot be cured, but the warts themselves come and go. They
typically affect the areas of the vulva, vagina, rectum, and
cervix in women, and the penis, scrotum, and rectum in men. You
should see a health professional to determine whether your bumps
are warts, or something else.

By and large, genital warts are considered more of a nuisance
than a major health problem. Nonetheless, there is evidence that
the virus increases a woman's risk for cervical cancer. Women
should take extra care to obtain annual pap smears for cervical
cancer screening.

There are a variety of local treatments that will remove the
warts, but as with any other wart, the virus remains in your
body. These treatments are available from gynecologists,
dermatologists, and some primary care practitioners. Do not use
over-the-counter remedies for these types of warts.

Removal of the warts, and the use of condoms, will reduce your
chances of giving genital warts to an uninfected person, but are
not fool-proof as small, barely perceptible warts on genital
areas not shielded by the condom, could potentially transmit the
virus.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "I don't have to worry about catching herpes if he has no sores at the time we have sex"

My boyfriend says he once had an attack of genital
herpes, but that I don't have to worry about catching it if he
has no sores at the time we have sex. Is he right?

Not exactly. Genital herpes (usually caused by the virus
herpes simplex type) is transmitted through vaginal and
anal intercourse. Most frequently, there are multiple painful or
burning sores involving the vagina, labia, vulva, or rectum in
women, and the penis, rectum, or area at the base of the penis in
men. The sores will go away, but as the virus remains dormant in
your body, sores may reappear months or years later. If you or
your partner have herpes sores at the time of sexual contact it
is very contagious.

Unfortunately, genital herpes is not curable. Therefore, once
you've had an initial outbreak, there is the possibility of
transmitting the disease. This is true even if you have no
visible sores. The reason for this is that a carrier of herpes
begins to shed the virus (meaning you're contagious) just before
an outbreak occurs -- in other words, while you feel fine, or
when you first begin to feel a burning or itching sensation, and
before there are any visible sores. The frequency with which you
can get herpes from someone who has the virus and is completely
asymptomatic is not known, but probably relatively low.

The best thing to do is to always use a condom, and if sores are
present, avoid sex altogether. Remember that just the physical
contact between the vulva and the base of the penis while using a
condom can transmit herpes. The Reality female condom protects
those areas somewhat better.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "What is the maximum length of time HIV can remain infectious in a bodily fluid which has been deposited on a surface"

What is the maximum length of time HIV can remain
infectious in a bodily fluid which has been deposited on a
surface (like a floor or table or whatever)?
-- RI

When left on an open surface, HIV actually remains
infectious for a relatively short period of time. In most
cases, the virus is no longer viable after a couple of hours.
Transmission from such a surface (be it a toilet seat,
counter-top, bed sheets, etc.) would also require movement of the
virus through either a mucous membrane (such as the eye or mouth)
or a break in the skin of any kind. Therefore, except in very
unusual circumstances, you will not catch HIV from casual contact
with public toilets, counter tops, or other such surfaces.

Be aware, however, that materials or secretions that are newly
contaminated with the virus may be more or less transmissable
depending on the concentration of the virus, and how much of an
exposure occurs. For example, fresh semen containing the HIV
virus, when rubbed on fingers with no rashes or breaks in the
skin does not seem to be a problem; whereas if the finger touches
and heavily contaminates the eye, or if the finger has a cut or
open abrasion, and especially if the semen was contaminated with
high concentrations of HIV, transmission is possible.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "Why is it that you have to wait for three month after you have intercourse with somebody to be tested?"

I have a few questions about HIV. Why is it that you have
to wait for three month after you have intercourse with somebody
to be tested? I had sex about two months ago with a person who I
do not really know much about and I am a little scared of HIV and
AIDS. I did use a condom but I don't know. One more question, if
you are HIV positive, does that mean you will die soon?

At first, after the HIV virus has entered your body, you
will test negative for HIV. That is because the standard
screening blood test detects antibodies you make to fight off the
HIV infection, and not the HIV virus itself. Those antibodies
take a while to form, and when they do, it is called
"seroconversion." In the case of HIV, we need to wait
approximately six months after your last contact with HIV to see
if you have seroconverted. Ninety-nine percent of people who are
going to convert will do so by then. Many people will convert
sooner (up to 95% at three months). To be able to confidently
reassure someone that they did not pick up HIV it is best to wait
the six months, although there may be situations where testing at
both three and six months make sense.

It's great you used a condom. If you have any questions about
using them correctly check out Contraception Contemplation.
Prevention of AIDS is only possible by preventing HIV
transmission.

Your last question is a difficult one. For someone who is
infected with the HIV virus, they can often look forward to many
years of good health. As you know, that can change with time, and
there is still no cure for the disease. However, there have been
small numbers of people reported who have "beat the odds." By
living much longer than expected, these people may ultimately
help show the way to long-term survival.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "Once you have had unprotected sex with someone, is there any point in using condoms with that person later?"

Once you have had unprotected sex with someone, is there
any point in using condoms with that person later? I mean for the
purposes of avoiding transmitting AIDS, I'm on the pill, so I'm
not really worried about getting pregnant.

I would advise using condoms in future contacts, even if
you have had sex without a condom before with that
person. You will not always be infected with the AIDS virus every
time you have unprotected sexual exposure. The more times you
have contact with the virus, the more likely you are to be
infected by it. So getting away with it once, does not
necessarily mean getting away with it a second time.

If you are considering getting tested for exposure to the AIDS
virus, remember that it may take up to six months for your blood
test to become positive after exposure. Therefore if you had
exposure to the virus today, you might not have a positive test
until six months from now.

You also point out one of the drawbacks to using the pill -- it's
a great contraceptive, but it does not protect you against STD's.

-- S. Yates

Q & A: "Is there evidence that condoms which are lubricated with spermicide are any better at preventing pregnancy than condoms which are not?"

Q. A contraceptive "failure" rate of ~12% per year has been
cited for couples using condoms alone. For this reason, use of an
additional method (spermicide, diaphragm, etc.) has been
recommended in addition to condoms. Is there evidence that
condoms which are lubricated with spermicide are any better at
preventing pregnancy than condoms which are not? Is the use of a
back-up method still recommended/necessary?
-- JE

A. The contraceptive failure rate for condoms that you
quoted is consistent with what we know. And it is true
that when a spermicidal foam or jelly is used for lubrication (as
opposed to a simple lubricant such as K-Y Jelly and others) that
the risk of pregnancy is even less. Some data suggest the
contraceptive effectiveness rises to about 96% when both are
used.

In addition, there is some evidence that contraceptive foams or
jellies may also reduce the transmission of infectious organisms
such as HIV, chlamydia, herpes simplex, and possibly the human
papillomavirus (the cause of venereal warts). This is an
unintended (and unreliable) but fortunate benefit.

If condoms are your main source of contraception, the addition of
spermicidal foam or jelly will decrease your risk of unintended
pregnancy.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "pill increases my chances of having a stroke"

Q. Last month I started taking the pill. But I just read
recently that the pill increases my chances of having a stroke.
This scares me, what should I do?

A. Generally considered very safe and effective, oral
contraceptives (birth control pills) contain hormones
that suppress ovulation. Like any other drug, these hormones have
the potential for side-effects ranging from weight gain and
breast tenderness, to more serious problems related to blood
clotting such as stroke, phlebitis, or heart attacks.
Fortunately, the incidence of many of these side-effects have
been reduced over the years through the use of lower doses of
estrogens. Most women today take no more than 35 ug of estrogen
per day, compared to 50 ug two decades ago when studies showed
increased risks for these events. Consequently, your healthcare
provider will usually prescribe the lowest dose of estrogen that
will work to keep you from becoming pregnant. Today, unless there
are other medical conditions present, most doctors believe that
there is little increase in blood clotting problems among young,
nonsmoking women who use the pill.

There are subgroups of women who tend to have higher risks for
clotting problems. They are smokers, women over the age of 35 or
40, and women who have been on the pill for many years (e.g. 10
or more).

The pill is about the most effective form of contraception, short
of abstinence. But remember that you are putting additional
hormones into your body. When considering going on the pill, be
sure you have carefully discussed your personal health risks with
your healthcare provider, and have all your questions answered.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "Could you descibe any side effects that could result from using an intrauterine device (IUD)?"

Could you descibe any side effects that could result from
using an IUD?

The IUD, or intrauterine device, is a small object made
in a variety of shapes and materials, which is inserted
into a woman's uterus in order to prevent pregnancy. It is
believed to work by causing an inflammatory reaction of the
uterine lining and thereby preventing implantation of the egg.
Through the many years (well over 20) of its existence, the IUD
has been widely used and accepted as a viable method of
contraception with an efficacy of 97 - 98%, but there are a few
risks associated with its use.

At the time of insertion, there is a risk of developing pelvic
inflammatory disease (a serious infection involving the female
reproductive system). This risk remains present after insertion
but diminishes significantly after the initial procedure. Studies
are underway now to assess the possible association of IUDs with
increased risk of HIV transmission, but there are no definite
answers available yet.

A significant number of women experience increased menstrual pain
with an IUD in place. About 10 - 15% will have their IUD removed
due to symptoms associated with abnormal bleeding.

Pregnancy and IUDs do not mix well. If an accidental pregnancy
does occur with an IUD present, approximately 50% of otherwise
normal pregnancies will end in miscarriage. In addition, five
percent of women who become pregnant with an IUD in place will
have an ectopic ( tubal) pregnancy.

It is important to keep in mind that an IUD does offer effective
protection against getting pregnant, but it offers no protection
against sexually transmitted diseases.

-- C. Ebelke

Q & A: "what the possibility of a reversal vasectomy"

Q. I am interested in a man who has had a vasectomy. It is
too early to discuss the children thing, but I am wondering what
the possibility of a reversal is. He is 44 and in good health. He
had the operation between 10 and 12 years ago.

A. Once several years have past since a vasectomy, the
chances of being able to conceive by surgically
re-connecting the tube that carries the sperm from the testicles
is minimal. From a surgical point of view it is technically
feasible, but after the duct has been blocked for so long, the
testicles simply stop producing sperm in sufficient numbers to be
able to conceive.

However, in the past couple of years, progress has been made with
a procedure called intracytoplasmic sperm injection ("ICSI") done
in some fertility clinics. In this procedure, sperm can be
aspirated by needle, or by obtaining a piece of sperm-producing
tissue, and in the laboratory, one sperm is injected into one egg
which is then implanted in the mother. This technique, while
expensive, could be considered. Keep in mind that it is no where
near 100 percent successful, but it can be repeated if necessary.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "I should be completely off the pill for six months before trying"

Q. I'm 28 and have been on the pill for 12 years. We are
thinking about having children in the next two years. Some say I
should be completely off the pill for six months before trying.
Others said it doesn't matter, I can get off the pill and get
pregnant right away. Who is right?

A. Contrary to your friend's advise, it is not necessary to
be off the pill for an extended period of time before
attempting pregnancy. There is no increased risk of birth defects
or other problems if you concieve right after stopping the pill.
I usually advise allowing one normal period after discontinuing
the pill, to allow your menstral cycle to return to its usual
pattern, and then try for pregnancy. This makes it easier to know
when your fertile time is in the cycle, and makes for more
accruate calculation of your due date when pregnant. Good luck!

-- S. Yates

Q & A: "we would like to have sex without a condom"

Q. I've recently started a relationship with an AIDS-free
woman and we would like to have sex without a condom. I've
forgotten everything I learned in freshmen health class about a
woman's period and pregnancy risk. Can a women get pregnant while
she has her period? How many days after her period ends can we
have unprotected sex without fear of pregnancy.
-- KW

A. A woman ovulates 14 days prior to when her period begins.
Therefore, her most fertile time of the cycle is a few
days before and after ovulation. The difficulty with using rhythm
or calendar methods of contraception is that any woman can vary
from month to month in the timing between onset of the period and
when she next ovulates. This is why women's menstral cycles can
vary from between 21 and 40 days, or more. A woman with a 21-day
cycle will be fertile during her period, and a woman with a
42-day cycle will be fertile one month after her period began.

Therefore, I would advise always using a contraceptive. Unless
you can be absolutely sure that you are, and will be, in a
monogamous relationship, I would advise using a condom along with
a contraceptive cream, foam or suppository in the woman's vagina.
Using a Nonoxyl-9 containing spermicide with the condom
significantly reduces the risk of pregnancy in case of condom
leakage, breakage, or slippage. Remember that AIDS is not the
only sexually transmitted disease, and that condom use protects
against transmission of all STD's.

-- S. Yates

Q & A: "Is masturbating good for you? "

Q. Is masturbating good for you?

A. For many people masturbation is an enjoyable way of
playing out sexual fantasies, releasing sexual tension,
and becoming more comfortable with their own sexuality. For some
people, masturbation is a part of the enjoyment of sex when
shared with their partner(s). For others, it may help curb
impulses to have sex with someone that might later be regretted.

These aspects of masturbation may be good for your health
psychologically and emotionally (and certainly it is healthy to
be free of guilt or fear just because you masturbate). But there
are otherwise no physical benefits to your health from
masturbation.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "I DO have mono, what kind of contact can we continue to have?"

I've been told I may have mono and am in the process of
having my blood checked but have been told it may not be positive
yet because I haven't been sick long enough. I have a boyfriend
and am wondering if I DO have mono, what kind of contact can we
continue to have? Because the disease is spread through saliva
(the throat), is there any risk in oral/genital contact?

Mono, or infectious mononucleosis, is a viral infection
caused by the Epstein Barr virus (EBV), with symptoms
that typically include sore throat, fever, enlarged lymph nodes
in the neck, and marked fatigue. The disease is known to be very
contagious. In fact it has long been known as the "kissing
disease" because of it's tendency to be transmitted by kissing.
The virus is found in all body fluids, however, and can be
transmitted by oral-genital contact.

Fortunately, most people recover without any problem. Many people
are exposed and become immune to mono as children, and are
thereby protected from getting the disease later in life. The
blood test for mono takes five to seven days to turn positive
because it measures antibody activity in the infected persons
blood which takes a few days to develop. Generally speaking, you
can resume intimate contact within a couple of weeks, once the
fever is gone and the symptoms are significantly improved.

--R. Durning

Q & A: "For the past 5 years I have had NO sexual desire whatsoever"

For the past 5 years I have had NO sexual desire
whatsoever. My husband is as interested as he always was, but we
have both gained a great deal of weight. How can I restore these
sexual feelings?

You ask an important and difficult question. Sexual
desire, as most everyone knows, is influenced by many
different things. And it's not hard to have it go wrong. The
feelings you have for your mate, the circumstances of your
surroundings, feelings about oneself, past experiences with sex,
and many other factors may influence your desire.

For starters, I think it is helpful to acknowledge that because
of the cultural milieu in most parts of the western world,
someone without strong sexual energies may feel like there must
be something wrong. This is not necessarily true, although there
may be problems working that out with a mate. In addition, if sex
with your partner was never very much fun, or didn't give the
intimacy desired, or if abuse ever occurred in the past; if sex
became routine or boring from lack of imagination, or too focused
on getting an orgasm, if work leaves you exhausted, if there is
unresolved tension or anger in the relationship, if you have any
physical problems of discomfort during sex, or feelings of
depression, even side-effects to medicines, these too may have an
impact. Being overweight does not necessarily mean a loss of
sexual desire, although it certainly could affect your feelings
of attraction.

Those of you who are parents may understand how difficult it is
to feel uninhibited about sex with children in the house. Then
again, how much time is spent seducing our lovers? Are dining,
lighting, music, sense of privacy, the physical surroundings,
conducive to love-making? Is there talk of love, sharing of
feelings, something more than the physical act of sexual play to
arouse interest.

We could go on for some time. One suggestion would be to regard a
lack of sexual desire not so much as a problem to get rid of, but
as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your relationship
with your partner, and your sexual life.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "is it possible for a doctor to tell if I have had anal sex"

This may be foolish, but is it possible for a doctor to
tell if I have had anal sex, just by me receiving a regular
physical? I have avoided physicals for some time due to this
fear. Thanks for your time.
-- DM

As long as you have no problems with the rectal area,
such as pain, bleeding, discharge, or diarrhea, then a
physician, or anyone else for that matter, will be unable to tell
if you have had anal sex. (Of course, even if you have these
symptoms, they may be due to a number of other medical conditions
besides anal sex.) If you have experienced some trauma during
intercourse, an abrasion or fissure may result, and that would be
apparent to someone examining the area. But you would certainly
be aware of soreness, or even bleeding from the anus, so it
should not come as a surprise. Lubrication, of course, will help
to prevent this.

Unhappily, many people do feel threatened or intimidated when
they go to the doctor's. Just thinking about it can bring on a
cold sweat. That is unfortunate. Why shouldn't a person be able
to talk about their sexual preferences? And why should it be so
difficult to reveal an aspect of one's sexuality without fear of
stigmatization or condemnation? Whatever you reveal about
yourself within the confines of a doctor's office should always
be held confidential. And keep in mind that doctors routinely see
all kinds of different people, lifestyles, and habits. After a
while, there aren't too many surprises. Take your time in getting
comfortable with a physician. As in any other relationship, trust
develops over time.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "Can a doctor tell whether you've had a miscarriage? "

No they cannot. According to Dr. Yates, Tripod's ob-gyn
consultant, there are no scars or changes detectable
after a routine miscarriage or properly performed abortion. A
doctor performing a routine pelvic examination will have no idea
whether or not you have been previously pregnant.

On the other hand, for a woman who has had a full-term pregnancy
and delivered the baby, there may be changes in the appearance of
the uterine cervix, scars in the perineum (the area between the
vaginal opening and the anus), or stretch marks on the abdomen,
that will provide clues to a previous pregnancy.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "chances are of getting the AIDS virus when performing oral sex on a woman"

Q. I was wondering what the chances are of
getting the AIDS virus when performing oral sex on a woman. If
there is a risk, what can I do to protect myself? And -- if you
kiss a person with herpes can you get the virus in your system?
How about if you give oral sex to a person with herpes, can that
bring it into your system?

Can you pick up HIV or herpes from oral sex? The simple
answer is yes. It is possible. But here are some things
to keep in mind.

A. HIV is present in the semen of men who have AIDS or who are HIV
positive. When ejaculate is taken into the mouth, there is the
potential for the virus to enter into even normal mucosal cells
lining the mouth, resulting in infection. If there is any break
in the normal mucosa, whether it is from a cold sore, inflamed
gums, cracked lips, or any other lesion, the likelihood of
transmission increases. Pre-ejaculate fluid is also technically
capable of transmitting infection.

Vaginal fluids of a woman with AIDS, or who is HIV positive, also
contain HIV. Therefore, oral sex with a woman can result in
transmission of the virus. If any menstrual blood is present in
the vaginal fluid, this too can be a route of transmission.

Herpes is a little bit different in that most times an active
herpes sore must be present for transmission to occur. Check out
a previous herpes question for more information and an important
qualifier to this. Although one type of herpes tends to be found
in the mouth, and another type in the genitals, the symptoms are
indistinguishable. During oral sex, genital herpes may be
transmitted to the mouth, and oral herpes may be transmitted to
the genitals. It is perfectly safe, however, to kiss a person
with active genital herpes on the lips or mouth.

Since neither HIV nor herpes can be cured, the usual advice is to
use some type of barrier prevention. With men, using a condom
during oral sex protects both parties. You may want to experiment
with different styles, colors, flavors, or other different types
of condoms, to compensate for the loss of touch or intimacy that
might otherwise be experienced. For oral sex with a woman, use of
a layer of plastic wrap, or a dental dam, over the vaginal area
will provide protection. It does seem a bit sterile or
off-putting to use these barriers, but at this time there are not
too many other reasonable alternatives.

If the virus is present in semen and vaginal fluid, how likely is
transmission during oral sex in the real world? It's impossible
to predict. Factors such as where you live, who you hook up with,
what you do, and a dozen other variables would have to be
considered. The human mind, being uncomfortable with more than a
few variables at once, and being driven at times by sexual
desire, cannot, and does not want to, think this all through in
the heat of the moment. There are many reports of people who have
contracted AIDS whose only reported risk factor is receiving oral
sex from a man. Could it happen with one encounter? Yes. Does the
risk increase with multiple encounters? Possibly. Each encounter
can be viewed as a flip of the coin. You either get infected, or
you don't. With HIV, there are few if any "mild" infections. The
odds of progression to AIDS, and eventually to death, is very
high. So it's an all-or-none game.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "The odds of progression to AIDS, and eventually to death, is very high"

A few months ago, you wrote "With HIV, there are few if
any 'mild' infections. The odds of progression to AIDS, and
eventually to death, is very high." I always thought HIV always
led to AIDS and AIDS was always fatal (eventually). Am I wrong?
Thanks.
-- BB

You raise a very important point, and one that is worth
thinking about for a moment. The question as to whether
or not everyone who is infected with HIV will develop AIDS is not
yet answered. Nor is it clear that everyone who develops AIDS
will die from it. There is no denying the devastation wrought by
AIDS, nor how poor the long-term prognosis. But the average time
it takes from infection by HIV to the onset of AIDS symptoms is
so long (11 years or more) and since the disease was only
recognized in the early 1980's, the possibility remains that some
number of AIDS victims will actually survive it. In fact, recent
reports from Australia describe a small number of people who have
had many years of being HIV positive, but who show no clinical or
immunological signs of progression to AIDS. This year has also
seen the development of new medications for HIV that in
preliminary studies show some real promise. The prognosis of HIV
infection is still grim, but there are reasons to be hopeful, and
it would not be correct to say that every case is fatal.

The world is still reeling from the onslaught of HIV disease. It
may sound harsh, but in the end, AIDS is just a disease like
leukemia, cancer, even advanced heart disease, or emphysema. For
most people, when they hear of any of these diagnoses, they also
hear their death knell. Mortality statistics will tell us that it
is just another way to die. But with AIDS, the numbers will add
up frighteningly fast as the pandemic unfolds and AIDS exacts its
gruesome toll on millions of lives lost around the world.

Millions of people are living with HIV now. And make no mistake,
some of them will begin to out-live HIV. It's a matter of
precious time. Those who are HIV positive now have reason to hope
that sometime during their lifetime the prognosis will begin to
improve.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "Basal Body Temperature (BBT) to find out when I ovulate"

Q. My husband and I have been trying to start our family for
two years now. We just started to chart the Basal Body
Temperature (BBT) to find out when I ovulate. Our doctor will
take no action until she finds out when and if I was ovulating.
We use the home predictor kits with success, but she said they
were not as effective as the BBT. Is this true? Anyway, here is
my real question: I have discovered, taking my temperature (which
usually does seem to run on the "low" side of normal, about 97.6
to 98 on average), seems to be TOO low in the mornings. I use a
digital thermometer and it has registered anywhere from 95.6 to
98 in the last few weeks that we have started charting it. It
also seems to not follow any sort of pattern. Could there be a
medical reason for lower than normal body temperature? And could
this affect fertility?
-- MM

A. Body temperatures vary a great deal. When textbooks talk
about a normal body temperature of 98.6 degrees F, that's
"normal" in the statistical sense that it is the average body
temperature. Around that number there is quite a bit of
variation. If your temperature is 97 degrees, or 96 degrees, that
is still considered within the normal range. There are medical
conditions that lower the body temperature, but it is usually
seen only in very sick individuals.

According to Tripod's consulting gynecologist Dr. Susan Yates, a
woman's body temperature will go up one-half to one full degree
at the time of ovulation, and will stay up until her menstrual
flow begins. It is caused by an increase in the amount of
circulating progesterone -- one of the hormones required for the
menstrual cycle and for maintaining pregnancy. If you are
measuring your daily basal body temperature (taken at the same
time, first thing in the morning) you should be able to detect
the increase in body temperature, but it may take a couple of
days before the effect is seen. This can lead to some frustration
in terms of trying to time intercourse in order to get pregnant
as it may already be too late. However, it is a good way for
determining whether or not ovulation is occurring.

The other test you mention is the "home predictor kit." These
kits test a urine sample for the presence of a hormone called
luteinizing hormone, or LH. LH is produced by an area of the
brain called the pituitary gland, and stimulates the ovary to
produce estrogen. In the 24 to 48 hours prior to ovulation there
will be a surge in the amount of LH, which is detectable by this
test. The more expensive tests tend to be more accurate.

The decision as to whether BBT monitoring, the home predictor
test, or both are used as part of an initial infertility work-up
is a decision best made by you and your gynecologist.

By the way, a low normal body temperature will not cause
infertility.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "I am confused about how to have safe sex between two women"

Q. I recently came to the conclusion that I am bisexual. I am
confused about how to have safe sex between two women. And what
exactly IS a dental dam?

A. A dental dam is the latex material a dentist places in
your mouth when having dental work done. It is often used
during heavier procedures where tooth fragments or blood may be
generated. It is impermeable to infectious organisms, even those
as small as the HIV virus, and therefore can be used to protect
yourself against an STD. Plastic wrap from the grocery store (the
heavier stuff) can also be used, as well as a condom that has
been cut open longitudinally.

The point, of course, is to provide an impermeable barrier
between you and your sexual partner. The trick is how to do it
without losing fun, spontaneity, and intimacy. It may take some
getting used to. It also may be easier to do if the barrier is
used as an expression of caring or love for your partner. You
probably wouldn't want to have sex with her if you didn't care
about protecting her from inadvertent harm. Sex between two women
is statistically much safer than sex between two men, or sex
between a man and a woman. But you would be wise not to forget
about STDs.

First, with regards to HIV: anytime there is the potential for
infected bodily secretions to gain access to your bloodstream,
there is the potential for disease transmission. A cut or scrape
on your finger, a small sore on your labia, a cold sore or scrape
in the mouth -- all can be routes for HIV transmission if
infected body fluids come into contact with those areas. In a
woman, these body fluids include vaginal secretions, menstrual
blood, breast milk, even saliva (although transmission by kissing
alone has never been documented). Other STDs such as herpes or
genital warts may be transmitted during direct vaginal contact
between you and your partner, sometimes even without visible
lesions.

So how do you know? You really don't, which is why everyone is
being bombarded with the notion of prevention. Until you've been
in a longstanding monogamous relationship and feel totally
confident that you and your partner are infection-free (this is a
very tricky assumption), the use of a barrier during oral sex, or
during vaginal-vaginal contact, is a good idea. A latex glove, or
fingercot, may be used if your fingers or hands will be exposed
to vaginal fluids.

Finally, don't forget that as a bisexual, if you happen not to be
using condoms during sex with a man, you may be placing your
women partners at greater risk too.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "I am in therapy for being molested as a child"

Q. I am in therapy for being molested as a child. One of the
manifestations of this incident is that I have no physical
sensations on my breasts and other normally erogenous zones. My
question: Is there any physiological explanation for this
occurrence? Is there a condition that could cause this without
connection to the abuse? My therapist would like to rule out this
possibility. Thanks.

A. Being sexually molested as a child can have a number of
painful consequences. The frequency with which men, and
to a lesser extent women, sexually abuse children is appalling.
Cutting across all socioeconomic barriers, sexual abuse is one of
the most damaging of all experiences to the psyche. It may leave
scars for life.

One of the consequences of prior sexual abuse is to experience
periods of dissociation from one's actual experience. So, for
example, a woman who has been sexually abused as a child may be
unable to stay in the present moment while making love to her
husband. Her mind may go elsewhere. Psychologically, we can
imagine that she is having difficulty integrating her current
sexual experience (with someone she loves and desires) with
painful memories of sexual abuse by another man. The mind is more
likely to simply escape, to dissociate from the present
experience.

The consequences can be a lack of intimacy or fulfillment in sex,
or maybe a lack of libido. This is a sort of mental anesthesia: a
protective numbing and forgetting of past experiences. The
physical body's sexual responsiveness, being so intimately
related to our thoughts and state of mind, may follow suit and
become numb.

I am not aware of any medical or neurological entities that
could, by themselves, explain a lack of sensation in erogenous
areas of the body.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "Is there any hazard to swallowing semen during oral sex?"

Assuming a monogamous relationship between two "healthy"
people, is there any hazard to swallowing semen during oral sex?

No, there really is not. The substance of the semen
itself, which is composed of both fluid from the prostate
gland and sperm that was stored in the epididymis, is not harmful
in any way.

As you suggest, the only potential worry relates to the
transmission of an STD, and the difficulty of knowing for sure
whether or not your partner is currently infected. This was
discussed in an earlier STD question and may be of some interest.

-- R. Jandl

Q & A: "My penis is very small."

Q. Will masturbation affect your penis at all? I've heard
that masturbating as a teenager increases your penis's adult
size. Is this true? Does masturbating affect your penis's ability
to "shoot" semen at all?

What is the average penis size for a 15 year old?

I was wondering if using an 8" penis could actually
"hurt" a petite lady. I have had several women tell me that
considering my size, I should "take it easy" so as to not cause
any lasting soreness. Please comment.

I'm 18 years old and have a BIG problem. My penis is very
small. I'm able to get small erections and masturbate, but I'm
afraid that I won't be able to satisfy my girlfriend sexually. Is
there some kind of condition that has caused this? And, are there
any drugs or medical treatments to make my penis larger?

A. When it comes to penis size, these questions -- all
submitted in the past couple of weeks -- cover the
spectrum pretty well. Although the topic is often greeted with
laughter, embarrassment, or snickering, I suspect that there are
few issues with the potential to cause as much anxiety among men
as this one.

Like it or not, a man's sense of masculinity is linked to,
perhaps even emanates from, his genital organs. Not a surprise.
The genitals are not only a source of great pleasure for a man,
but they are often at the heart of his experience of intimacy.
They are also the source of hormones that increase his
musculature, deepen his voice, distribute his body hair -- all
features associated with virility. And the genitals have the
"power" to impregnate a woman which is a source of great pride
and pleasure for many men.

Does size count? Interestingly, it is not the size of testicles
that count, just the penis. It's not hard to see how on some
primitive level, size would seem to be important. Throughout
history, a man's ability to be "potent" emanates from his
erection. All powers of reproduction were dependent on getting an
erection. Indeed, power itself was associated with procreation. A
king who could not conceive a child -- an heir to the throne --
was in trouble. Most men have experienced at least a temporary
failure to maintain an erection well enough to satisfy themselves
or their sexual partner. This failure will often leave a man
feeling small and inadequate.

So what is a normal penis size? I am going to skirt the issue
because it is not the point. Although other men might have you
believe (or we may in our minds construct a belief) that one man
is better because he is bigger, it is worth challenging that
assumption by asking some questions. Does a bigger penis bring a
man more sexual pleasure? Does it increase the pleasure of his
sexual partner? Does it increase his virility, or enhance his
capacity to conceive? Does it make him more desirable as a long
term mate? Is his ability to love, to share life, and to be
intimate, linked to his penis size? Is his power to excel at
work, to be a great athlete, to raise children, to believe in
God, to create art, is any of that enhanced by having a large
penis? Apart from the width of a man's penis, which in some cases
may increase a woman's sexual pleasure, I would suggest that none
of these things is dependent on penis size.

So why worry? If you're smaller than others, then you're smaller
than others. That will never prevent you from the potential of
having thrilling sexual experiences. And if your partner is not
satisfied, do not be concerned. There are many reasons why our
sexual partners may not be satisfied; but there are also many
imaginative ways to provide him or her with ecstatic sexual
experiences. A man with a big penis does need to be a little
careful of "petite" women. Women's vaginas are also variable in
size, in lubrication, and in the potential for discomfort from
excessive penetration. Go slow at first, and let her guide you as
to what feels comfortable for her. As to whether frequent
masturbation can increase penis size or affect ejaculation, I am
afraid it will have no effect.

-- R. Jandl

Sexuality: How To Talk To Your Child about Sex

Masturbation
Masturbation is a normal activity that people do alone or with a partner.
Masturbation means rubbing or touching your body in a way that arouses sexual
feelings and might produce an orgasm. It is called many things, including
"jerking off" and "playing with yourself".
Many people used to think that masturbation could seriously affect a person's
health. Today, we know that it does not cause physical harm. Most people see it
as a normal part of sexuality, a way to fulfil sexual needs. Both men and women
masturbate. Children, young people, adults, seniors, single and married people
can all masturbate.
Some people do not masturbate. Some do not get pleasure from it and others do
not feel comfortable touching their bodies. In some religions, it is not
acceptable. Some people never masturbate throughout their lives: all of these
choices are normal.

Masturbation can give pleasure, can be relaxing, and is an outlet for sexual
tension. It is often used as a way of understanding how your body works. If a
woman doesn't have orgasms easily, masturbation can help her learn how.
For many couples, caressing their partners' genitals to bring about orgasm is a
very pleasurable way of being intimate without having intercourse. The couple
might be trying to avoid pregnancy or practising safer sex. Or, maybe they have
decided they are not ready for intercourse.

Masturbation is unacceptable if it is done in front of a person who has not
wanted or permitted it.
There are some things to keep in mind. Touching genitals with dirty hands can
spread germs. Putting a sharp or unclean object into a vagina or anus is risky.
Muscles around the anus are not flexible, and the anus may tear or bleed.
A family doctor or counsellor can talk to you about masturbation. They are there
to help. Or, you can call a local Planned Parenthood organization or Public
Health Unit -- see References/Resources.


Outercourse vs. Intercourse
Outercourse is the word used to describe all of the sexual things you and your
partner can do together, everything except sexual intercourse.
Some of these things are holding hands; kissing; hugging; necking; petting;
masturbating each other, or mutual masturbation; and oral sex. These activities
can all be very satisfying -- and sexy! Remember -- you can get sexually
transmitted diseases from oral sex. Also, ejaculating or "coming" near a woman's
vagina can start a pregnancy.
Passionate kissing and heavy petting can lead very quickly to intercourse. It is
important that you and your partner discuss your limits before you start. Make
sure each of you understands just how far you're willing to go physically. This
way, you won't have sexual intercourse without planning to. Respect yourself and
respect your partner: "No" means No.

Having intercourse if both partners don't really want to can have a negative
effect on a relationship. Things may start out well, with long talks and lots of
laughs, but intercourse too early may put an end to everything else.
Whether you have intercourse or outercourse, or no sexual activity at all, is a
decision that you must make for yourself. So, don't let anyone else talk you
into doing anything you don't want to do or don't feel ready for. Your body is
your own and you are the only one to decide what you will or will not do with
it. Don't be afraid to say "No". If you'd like to talk to somebody you can call
your local Planned Parenthood organization or Health Unit -- see
References/Resources.


Sexuality and Aging
Maturity brings with it different goals and values in all aspects of life
including sexuality. Although sexuality is with us throughout life, sexual
behaviours and attitudes change as we change over the years.

The media portray young people as glamorous and "sexy', so we associate
sexuality with youth. It is difficult, then, and embarrassing, for young people
to think of their parents, or any older people, as sexually active. In fact,
most older people continue to share sexual relationships all their lives. But,
there are gradual differences in our sexuality that occur as we age.
As men get older they may take longer to get an erection and longer to achieve
orgasm, or "come". It also takes longer before another erection can happen. Some
orgasms are internal, that is, they happen without the ejaculation of semen.
Worrying about changes in sexual response can make the response slower. Nearly
every man can't get an erection at times. This is normal, and usually temporary.
Men may try other types of sexual activities if they no longer rely on an
erection.

A woman's vagina may become somewhat stretched after having children. It becomes
less elastic and dryer as she reaches menopause. Water-soluble lubricants,
available at drug stores, can help prevent pain or discomfort during
intercourse.
Both men and women are usually able to come to climax and have orgasms all their
lives, whether or not they choose to include intercourse in their love-making.
Stress, financial and job worries, tragedies, all of life's cares, affect
interest in sex. So does feeling angry, depressed, and tired, taking medication,
and being offended by a partner's habits. Alcohol slows responses, while
increasing desire.

Some older couples find that not having to worry about pregnancy makes sex more
enjoyable. After children have left home there is more privacy. More relaxed
love-making can mean more imaginative techniques, more creative expressions of
intimacy. People like to be touched and hugged no matter what their age.
Affection and closeness are important to everyone's health.
People who have health problems may find that a different position is easier and
more enjoyable. Mutual masturbation or oral sex may be very satisfying. If a
person is alone, masturbation may bring sexual relief and pleasure. Read the
message on Masturbation, under Sexuality in the Index.
Books can answer some questions. Or, you can talk with a counsellor or a person
who works with older people.


Sex Therapy
Sex therapy is used to help people accept and increase enjoyment of their
sexuality. It is based on the ideas that sex is normal and good, that
relationships can be meaningful, and that sexual intimacy is a normal goal. Some
of the reasons people go to a sex therapist are:
problems with sexual arousal, such as being unable to have an erection or an
orgasm.


problems with painful intercourse.

a problem with sexual satisfaction.

difficulties talking about sex, and

understanding and exploring their sexual orientation.


In some cases, people have problems as a result of illness or physical
disability. During therapy, people learn to accept that it is okay to be sexual, to have sexual feelings, fantasies and needs, and to get sexual pleasure from your own
body. A good sex therapist gives accurate, practical information about sex. Some
people get help taking responsibility for their own sexual pleasure by learning
to communicate and share with their partners what feels good and what they want.
Individuals and couples can become more aware of themselves and each other, and
gain a deeper understanding of their relationships. They are encouraged to make
time in their lives for sexual intimacy. Sometimes therapists give exercises for
clients to practise at home. These exercises can help clients learn to enjoy and
respond to sexual stimulation without worrying about performance.
A sex therapist may be trained as a sexologist, social worker, psychologist,
physician, or counsellor, but should have training in how to help people deal
with sexual problems.

In Ontario, sex therapists are not licensed, so anyone can call himself or
herself a sex therapist. The Ontario Association of Marriage and Family
Therapists has names of therapists who are certified by the Board of Examiners
in Sexual Therapy and Counselling in Ontario. The Association's phone number is
1-800- 267-2638.

Homosexuality: Being Gay or Lesbian
It's hard to be different in our culture. We have pressure all around us to be
like everyone else. Even though it may seem like everyone is sexually attracted
to the opposite sex, this is not true. Some people are homosexual: they are
attracted to people of the same sex. In Canada and the United States, there are
gay men and lesbians in every occupation, leading successful lives.
When most of a person's sexual thoughts and activities are about people of the
same sex, this person may be homosexual. Women who are sexually attracted to
other women are called lesbians. Some people use the word "gay" to include both
male and female homosexuals, but usually it is used for men only. People who are
sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex are heterosexual, sometimes
called "straight". Some people are attracted to both people of the same sex and
the opposite sex; these people are bisexual.

People may feel strongly attracted to a person of the same sex. Someone can
think and fantasize about people of the same sex without necessarily being
homosexual. Young people, especially, need to explore their feelings.
Just because you are attracted to a person does not mean that you have to have
sex with them. You may admire the person and or have a loving, caring, sharing
relationship without sex. You do not have to be sexual with anyone until you are
ready.
The stereotypes of homosexuals on television or in movies bother many people.
Most gays and lesbians do not look or act any different from anyone else.
We do not know why people are heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. There are
many theories but no clear answers. Many people have sexual fantasies about both
sexes, and sometimes feel confused about whether they are gay or straight. With
time and sometimes help from others, most people can sort out their feelings and
sexual orientation.

If you think that you are gay or lesbian, it may be hard to tell others about
your sexuality. You may feel afraid of losing friends or family members or your
job. However, it may be a huge relief to tell even one person. But don't rush
into it. Tell someone you really trust. And remember that it may take time for
people to adjust and to deal with the news.

"Coming out" or telling others that you are homosexual is a life-long process;
it's never finished. As you become more self- confident it will be easier to
tell others. There might be support groups that you can join in your community.
If you are a parent or a friend of someone who has told you they are homosexual,
you might feel disappointed, upset or worried. Try to deal with the news in a
way which tells the person that you still love them and care for them. As a
parent, you may have plans for your child's life, and this wasn't part of your
plans. But being gay or lesbian isn't bad. Homosexuals are not sick and they
don't need to change or be cured. It is important to support your child or
friend now. That person trusts and respects you enough to confide in you. They
need you. Your love and understanding will help them accept themselves as they
are.
There are books on this subject. It may help to talk to someone you trust. The
Kids Help Phone Line, 1-800-668-6868, is a toll-free number that has counsellors
24 hours a day. . You can also call a local Planned Parenthood organization or
Public Health Unit -- see References/Resources.

How To Talk To Your Child about Sex
Many parents find it hard to talk to their children about sex. Yet children WANT
to know, and if they don't get accurate information from their parents, they'll
probably get inaccurate information from friends, TV, films and magazines. They
are curious about sex, just as they are about everything else. Studies show that
young people who talk with their parents about sex tend to wait longer to have
intercourse. They are more likely to use birth control and to take precautions
against getting sexually transmitted diseases when they do have intercourse.
Here are some general tips that other parents have found helpful for talking to
their children.

Be available. Watch for clues that show they want to talk. Remember that your
comfort with the subject is important. They need to get a feeling of trust from
you.

Answer questions honestly and without showing embarrassment, even if the time
and place do not seem appropriate. A short answer may be best for the moment.
Then return to the subject later.
Avoid babyish words. Using correct names for body parts and their functions
shows that they are normal and OK to talk about.
It's OK to say, "I don't know." Nobody knows everything, and when you can't
answer a question, that can be an opportunity to learn with your child. Tell
your child that you'll get the information and continue the discussion later, or
do the research together. Then be sure to do this soon. Don't duck the question
or expect your partner or a professional to handle it, although they can add to
your answer.

Some people claim that sex education encourages sexual activity; however,
studies show that the earlier you start education the better. If they are old
enough to ask questions, they are old enough to get good answers.
Practice talking about sex with your spouse, another family member or a friend.
This will help you feel more comfortable when you do talk with your child.
If your child doesn't ask, look for ways to bring up the subject. For example,
you may know a pregnant woman, watch the birth of a pet, or see a baby getting a
bath. Use a TV program or film to start a discussion. Libraries and schools have
good books about sex for all ages.

Talk about sex more than once. Children need to hear things again and again over
the years to really understand, because their level of understanding changes as
they grow older. Make certain that you talk about feelings, not just actions.
Answer the question that is asked. Respect your child's desire for information.
But, don't overload the child with too much information at once. Try to give
enough information to answer the question clearly, yet encourage further
discussion.

Privacy is important, for both you and your child. If your child doesn't want to
talk, say, "OK, let's talk about it later," and do. Don't forget about it. Never
search a child's room, drawers or purse for "evidence". Never listen in on a
telephone or private conversation.

Listen to your children. They want to know that their questions and concerns are
important. The world they're growing up in is different from what yours was.
Laughing at or ignoring a child's question may stop them from asking again. They
will get information, accurate or inaccurate, from other sources.
Share your values. If your jokes, behaviour or attitudes don't show respect for
sexuality, then you cannot expect your child to be sexually healthy. They learn
attitudes about love, caring, and responsibility from you, whether you talk
about it or not. Tell your child what your values are about sex and about life.
Find out what they value in their lives.
Talk about your concern for their health and their future.
There are books which may be helpful, or you can call a local Planned Parenthood
organization or Public Health Unit -- see References/Resources

How To Talk To Your Parents About Sex
When you were younger you probably asked your parents about your body, about
where babies come from, or how they get into their "mommy's tummy". Some adults
answer such questions easily, helping the child feel comfortable about asking
more. Others are embarrassed, and may laugh, or ignore the question, or give
false information.

No matter how your questions were treated when you were younger, you can still
talk to your parents about sex. One thing is certain: parents were young once
themselves. They have felt afraid and uncertain, and have been through some of
the same experiences you're going through.

You already have a good idea of your parents' values and culture. Your own
values are formed originally from theirs, but also from your friends, other
adults, films, books, religious teaching and others. Some of your values might
be different from theirs. Some questions about sex have factual answers. Others
are a matter of what is thought to be right and wrong, good or bad.

If possible, choose a time to talk to your parent when you won't be interrupted:
in the car or the kitchen, or late at night. But, respect your parents' privacy,
just as you want them to respect yours.

If you disagree with them about "rules" or how they want you to behave, ask
yourself some questions. Have you shown them you are responsible? Are they
worried about your safety, or pregnancy, or sexually transmitted diseases? If
you make a promise, stick to it. Can you make a deal that will help you both?
Watching TV or a video together is often a good time to talk about sex. You may
state your opinion of what you've just seen. Or, when parents mention friends'
or relatives' problems or behaviour, that may be a good chance to talk.
You can open a conversation with a general question, such as "How old were you
when you had your first boy (or girl) friend?", or, "Did you ever talk to your
parents about dating?" Beginning a conversation with "I feel...", or "Could you
tell me more about..." will help. Saying "You're wrong" can make talking more
difficult.

Your talk will probably go better if you stay calm. If you are angry or
emotional, it may be better to say, "I'll talk to you later," and leave the
room. This can show maturity, and give you a chance to think about what you
really want to say. It might help to rehearse what you want to say or ask
beforehand.

Maybe it's hard to believe, but most couples have sexual relationships most of
their lives. Because film and TV stars are young and glamorous, young people
often have the idea that their parents no longer have romance or sexual
feelings. They probably do, and they also have a lifetime of experiences.
Getting some facts can help you. Find books, or get brochures from clinics. You
can call a local Planned Parenthood organization or Public Health Unit -- see
References/Resources.

Men's Sexual Concerns
Most men have sexual concerns at some time. They wonder about why they can't
always "get it up", whether they are impotent, or why they "come" so quickly, or
why they "come" only through masturbation and not with their partner.
There is a wide range of sexual behaviour and desire. Some people like different
positions, different techniques, and others don't. Whatever a man likes is
normal for him. He does not have to do what he believes other men do. It is
wrong to force another person into any unwanted sexual activity. Force and abuse
are criminal acts.
At some time during their lives most men find that they are not able to keep an
erection long enough to get satisfaction. It may be a result of being sick,
tired, stressed or offended by their partner, or due to alcohol, drugs or
medication. But worrying about an erection makes it less likely to happen or, if
it does, to keep it long enough. Doctors can help if there is a medical problem.
And a sex therapist can help if there is a psychological problem.

The most common sexual concern of young men is premature ejaculation, or
"coming" too quickly. This is a learned behaviour, usually from being rushed in
the past during sexual activity or masturbation. If a man begins to recognize
the feelings that come just before ejaculation, he can learn to slow down and
control these feelings. By holding hard onto the penis, by starting and stopping
his movements, he can, with practice, overcome this difficulty. Or, he can
ejaculate first, either by masturbating with his partner or by himself, then a
second ejaculation a few minutes later will be slower and more satisfying. There
are books or qualified sex therapists to help.

Sometimes a man has difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner, even though he
has no trouble becoming hard and no trouble when he masturbates. There is
usually a psychological reason for this. He may feel guilty about sexual
activity, or afraid of making a woman pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted
disease. Talking to your partner about what you like and what feels good can
help a lot. If you need help, this type of difficulty can usually be treated
very successfully by a qualified sex therapist.

You can learn more about sexuality by reading books and pamphlets, or talking to
a counsellor or doctor. You can call a local Planned Parenthood organization or
Public Health Unit -- see References/Resources.

Women's Sexual Concerns
Many women have concerns about their sexuality. They wonder if they are normal,
or why they have trouble having orgasms, or whether they don't enjoy sex as much
as other women do, or why intercourse is sometimes painful.
There is a wide range of behaviour and desire. Some people like different
positions, different techniques, and others don't. Whatever a woman likes is
normal for her. She does not have to do what she believes other women do. It is
wrong to force another person into any unwanted sexual activity. Force and abuse
are criminal acts.
Common worries are not having an orgasm or not enjoying sex. These can be helped
if a woman understands her body and can communicate with her partner. She can
learn what feels good, and what she doesn't like. The clitoris, just above the
vagina, is the source of most sexual pleasure. During intercourse the clitoris
is not usually touched in the way a woman needs. A woman or her partner can
stimulate her clitoris during "foreplay" or intercourse, or after the man
ejaculates, to help her have an orgasm. She can discover what gives her the most
pleasure, either with her partner or alone through masturbation. What a woman
likes can change during a lifetime.

When a woman is stimulated, her vagina becomes moist. This natural lubricant
makes intercourse easier. Some people use a water-based lubricant to add even
more moisture. This can be bought at a drug store, (never use petrolium based
lubricants).

A woman can communicate her feelings and desires to her partner through words or
body language. Partners will probably find that if they can communicate, they
will have more pleasure and satisfaction.

Fear of pregnancy, getting a sexually transmitted disease or being caught can
all keep a person from enjoying sex. Feeling tired, stress, illness and alcohol
also affect sexual feelings. Negative sexual experiences, such as abuse, rape or
just being taught that sex is dirty or wrong all have lasting effects. But
sometimes there is a physical problem that a doctor can treat. Psychological
problems can nearly always be helped by a qualified sex therapist.
You can learn more about sexuality by reading books and pamphlets, or by talking
to a counsellor or doctor if you have questions. You can call a local Planned
Parenthood organization or Public Health Unit -- see References/Resources.